Southerngirl did a good job in summarizing what I have been seeing in Blackfoot, and frankly what I am seeing in Nop too, though with Nop it is more of a feeling at this point. I agree that both have been very upfront in admitting to their part in their M troubles. That is not what I was talking about. What I meant specifically is that both seem to use boundaries and alpha behavior as a way to keep a shield around their vulnerabilities. I do see Blackfoot as still learning and taking in the feedback he gets here from women. I don’t see that in Nop (he might be doing that, I just don’t see it).
The hypocrisy (or should I say diametric) is that on one hand the advice being given is to be honest, open, vulnerable, (yet strong, leading, etc) while on the other they both seem to keep their defenses up. Now I have to admit that the post Nop made on LFL’s thread here let down more of his guard than I’ve ever seen. But the hypocrisy I see relates to the existence of this defensive wall and the denial that it exists. I know I have FOO issues and defenses that I'm working on.
MJ, I won't be sharing any confidEnces with blackfoot.
That's probably for the best since I agree with SG that he is at heart quite strait-laced. I just get annoyed with him when he acts like my 2bx was a reasonable person or a semi-decent husband.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Glad that you got something out of my post. And by all means - revel away! I hope that is actually what your absences mean. I envy those of you that have the opportunity to revel. I want to revel as well - I just am lacking a willing co-reveler!
Wide bandwidth does not assure compatibility. Apparently you have wide bandwidth and your H's particular idiosyncracy, was outside yours.
I wouldn't say that it was outside my bandwidth since I did do it (on multiple occasions) and I was able to be turned on by the physicality of the interaction. It just made me psychologically uncomfortable (especially given the context of my relationship). If you are really curious to find out how much of a superfreak I am, you can e-mail LP and ask her about it. I swore her to secrecy but I'll let her tell you. If you don't agree that less than 1% of the female population would be able to do it than I'll downgrade my bandwidth rating to semi-wide - lol .
MJ, I won't be sharing any confidEnces with blackfoot.
That's probably for the best since I agree with SG that he is at heart quite strait-laced. I just get annoyed with him when he acts like my 2bx was a reasonable person or a semi-decent husband.
Your STBX was an abusive a§§hole. SouthernGirls are also all-knowing, and all-wise.
Your STBX was an abusive a§§hole. SouthernGirls are also all-knowing, and all-wise.
Well, he was at least "mean-spirited" and "the pampered prince who slept on the pea" according to my mother who is something beyond brutally honest. Of course, she is pretty p*ssed off about the restraining order he took out against her. Although she was laughing when she told my BIL about it this weekend, especially the part where she told my FIL that she was going to get her grandmother's revolver out of storage if my 2bx entered the house without permission again. (No such revolver exists.) I was not laughing.
Of course, you can e-mail LP if you want to find out what turns on the likes of my 2bx.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Cobra wrote:"The hypocrisy (or should I say diametric) is that on one hand the advice being given is to be honest, open, vulnerable, (yet strong, leading, etc) while on the other they both seem to keep their defenses up. Now I have to admit that the post Nop made on LFL’s thread here let down more of his guard than I’ve ever seen. But the hypocrisy I see relates to the existence of this defensive wall and the denial that it exists. I know I have FOO issues and defenses that I'm working on."
Okay.
Let me be perfectly clear. My "FOO" issues affect more than me, my wife, and my daughter. They affect the rest of my extended family, including aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, etc. They would affect my family PUBLICLY.
I don't care if this is an anonymous forum or not. I have discussed FOO issues as far as I am willing to. Period.
If that doesn't sit well with you, then you deal with it. It is none of your business, and I wouldn't trust you with the information if you had some kind of government clearance anyway.
Furthermore, anyone here can ignore my suggestions. No one is compelled to listen to anything I have to say. Therefore, if your understanding of my FOO is a prerequisite to you accepting anything I have to say here, then I suggest that you add me to your "ignore user" list.
The sooner you realize that the only thing I am "guarding" here is my family, the better off you will be.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Well, he was at least "mean-spirited" and "the pampered prince who slept on the pea" according to my mother who is something beyond brutally honest.
Naw. He was an abusive a§§hole.
Originally Posted By: MJontheMend
Of course, you can e-mail LP if you want to find out what turns on the likes of my 2bx.
Thank you. I may. Not that I'm really all that interested in his preferences, but cats just must. know.
And who knows, I may one day have a girl friend who dates a guy with that particular preference, and then I can tell her to RUN.
EDIT: you have nothing more than my word, but I work in a profession where breaches of confidentiality are a crime-like-no-other, so whatever I learn won't be repeated, ever.
Let me be perfectly clear. My "FOO" issues affect more than me, my wife, and my daughter. They affect the rest of my extended family, including aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, etc. They would affect my family PUBLICLY.
OK, so what makes you so different or special from anyone else on this board? I guess that's another "diametric."
I don't care if this is an anonymous forum or not. I have discussed FOO issues as far as I am willing to. Period.
I don't see how you've discussed much of anything concerning FOO. Now you tell me the reason for that is to protect everyone else in your family? Hmmmm... that's convenient. How many counselors would like a nickel every time they heard that line?
Therefore, if your understanding of my FOO is a prerequisite to you accepting anything I have to say here, then I suggest that you add me to your "ignore user" list.
Actually Nop, in general I think you have excellent advice. I try to read all your posts. I always have. I just don't see what sets you so far above the crowd that if anyone says anything contrary to your POV, you go on the attack, not only attacking the opposing POV but also degenerating into character assassination. true to your military training, your response is always to seek out those who say some thing contrary to you and immediately and forcefully confront them... set a level of intimidation so that the poster does not make the mistake of ever challenging you again.
Well I don't scare that easily. Your nothing but a bunch of words that flash up on my computer screen. If you don't like my comments then I suggest you put me on YOUR ignore list.
The sooner you realize that the only thing I am "guarding" here is my family, the better off you will be.
If you say so... sounds more like hiding something to me.
