Well.....life was great again then I got another curveball ... don't think it's a biggie but I need my DB head on.

H wants to give up smoking, in fact he's adamant about it. So far, so good. he says he feels unhealthy and has problems breathing. he says he feels bad. He has his constipated face back on. He then thinks "all the other things" will fall into place - by this I am assuming he means the fact he wants to ML only once in a blue moon and then if I'm lucky.

Oh ... I'm getting this so wrong. I begged and cried and asked him not to leave - he says he isnt' leaving but the ILY's are not really forthcoming. I'm starting to wonder if it's all just too much for him and he's too weak to be married. If there is a problem he seems to want to put his head in the sand and hope that it will go away. I'm staring to wonder if I wouldn't be better off leaving.

I dunno, I'm confused so no action right now - just back to focus on me, I know for the next few days H will be going through nicotine withdrawal, I will be joining him on Saturday, so I know giving him some space would be good. I just don't know what to do after that. maybe my old friend Patience will turn up to keep me company - god knows I need her now!!!

just a bummer that I thought we were doing so well and now H is "unhappy" again - seems I can't do anything right for him \:\(

I know it won't be the end of me - but I do feel if he could just see things my way then all the problems would go away - and he probably feels exactly the same, so I know forcing my view on him is worthless. I dunno ... confused, a little left out, bewildered, all I wanted was some more physical affection and now he's withdrawn again ... I just hope giving up smoking will help it all fall into place .. maybe if he has more energy and feels better about himself... it just annoys me to see his miserable face moping about when I KNOW the key to happiness lies within oneself and to get happy you GET OFF YOUR BUTT AND DO SOMETHING!!!

OK, I'm ranting - he IS doing something. Ah well - put up and shut up time for me.

Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05
Seperated Sept/Oct 05
Oct 06 - H recomitted
July 11 - I am now a WAW.