Quote: -------------------------------------------------- NOP, do you think I should come right out and ask him if he had any interest in posting here? I am scared of what he would think of all I've said already. (yikes) I have been reading some old posts of Calystra's though, and saw that they did that with some success. What do you guys think? Keep the BB to myself for suport or ask him to chime in?? --------------------------------------------------
That would totally have to be your call, zuzu.
I have to admit that I would like to query him regarding his being "stuck" with the past, but even if he was posting here, he might not find that a comfortable subject.
Regardless, you will have to decide if you will benefit more from your autonomy here or not.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
I am definitely interested in how tonight's session goes for him. I don't see him playing along with the BB idea very well, so I won't do anything for now. Then won't have to worry about what I've posted here. I have tried to not be "secret" or anything about what I write. It's all stuff we have pretty much openly discussed, however, SHARING it with others, I don't think he would like it. At all. lol. Maybe I can ask him certain things from time to time without him knowing how much I am sharing here?
NOP, I know that I write a lot (just how I am! ) but in case you didn't see it, I did ask him if "he's trying to get over the past." His answer: "as best as I can."
this is my place...I think sharing this could lead to problems...I need this for me...not something I will share with my H...he knows I go to a "a board" for support and that is it...
I 2nd that. I can't imagine your H would appreciate the fact that we share w/ each other, whether we know who the others are or not.
That brings up another subject then -- is this in a way not necessarily cheating, but not being honest w/ our spouses by posting here & sharing intimate details hoping for advice?
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
For me, since the end result is a POSITIVE CHANGE for the R, that is a bit different. I think it is LESS COMPLICATED than going to your friends and family in your real life, who know both of you, etc. Plus, I feel everyone here has the same "philosophy" as me and that is marriage is important. While most people will SAY they feel that way, you know how it can be when you are all upset/crying over a situation...it's common for people to have a "is this worth it?" mentality. I'm being very general here, but you know how girlfriends can be! It's WAY DIFFERENT when you are looking at your children! That makes decisions completely different!!!
tonight went great. The ONLY negative thing tonight was that at first he said he didn't plan on eating anything tonight, but eventually let me fix him something. He seemed very normal, if not in good spirits.
After he had been home a short bit, kids weren't around and I said, "So did you feel like tonight was a positive session?" I can't remember now exactly what he said, but I think it was, "I don't know. (long pause) Yeah, I guess so. I really don't know." I said, "Well, that's good." He said, "How old do you think C is?" I guessed 24-26. He said "24. I told her I didn't mean to offend her, but we had already asked her if she was married, so tonight I asked her if she'd been in a long-term R, and she said no. I completely understand that everyone has to start somewhere, but I told her I worry about being interpreted correctly from someone who can't imagine a R of 15 years with a clouded past." I said, "yeah." He said, "She told me she understands and wants me to bring it up at the next session."
Other than that, pretty loving evening. I initiated sex and he asked me to "put him to sleep" like I used to in the first years of our relationship, basically just saying, "You're on a warm beach, you can feel the sunshine on your skin, imagine your feet getting very heavy and all the energy rushing out of your body . . . "
I have my session in the morning. I feel like going into an IC session in good spirits can be LESS productive than when I'm full of anger with a lot I need to address, but maybe I'm wrong on that, I don't know. Anyhow, I will address how both of us seem to want the other one to give first a little bit, my problem with expectations, his issues with the past and sex, etc.
Hopefully, some positive stuff will come out of it. Thanks for reading.
zuzu wrote:"NOP, I know that I write a lot (just how I am! ) but in case you didn't see it, I did ask him if "he's trying to get over the past." His answer: "as best as I can.""
I haven't forgotten about you. I am pondering a way for you to get the info I need from your hubby so that you can help him get "unstuck".
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Well, I'm headed off to my IC session in an hour and a half or so. Any advice? A part of me, while not trying to be secretive, feels like it's my chance to speak candidly with her. Maybe focus on the sex issue somewhat? I know, (she has already stated) that she won't discuss what took place in their session, but I do plan on telling her that my main goal for us attending is to help him with the issues of the past. (There are other goals, but this is the biggie we need prof. help with.) And I will tell her that I was surprised and pleased that he did not come home angry, so I HOPE that maybe some progress was made there.
) but in case you didn't see it, I did ask him if "he's trying to get over the past." His answer: "as best as I can."
