Afterall..... This IS my life V

[heatherg]

Don't blame yourself for this turn of events. You were being baited.

This is a tough one. He has really turned up the heat on my lack of commitment, going so far as to say that I lie to him all the time because I have been so unsure about whether or not to stay in this M. I know that it is a deflection because he lied to me and he is trying to steer away from that by blaming me. But because there is some truth to it, I DO blame myself.

I am starting to feel as though I'm being prodded, as though he could see the positive changes I was making and he's testing me. Testing me for what end, I am not sure.

I cannot live in the same house with someone who is mean to me, I know this about myself. I'm not saying that for sympathy, I'm saying it because it is true. I'm a wimp. I want my H to love me, not hate me. Every confrontational bone in my body is being broken.

Hairdog, you've got me tagged. I'm getting rather predictable aren't I? I already gave up the bed. He called me this afternoon and wanted half of our tax return money so that he could buy things for his new room. Mind you, we are talking about approx $3-4k. I've been displaced for three fing years and I haven't bought anything for my room except a door for the room at which point he accused me of stealing from him because I used the HELOC to pay the guy to put it in.
He is holding me to the year, telling me that I gave my word and then also telling me that my word doesn't mean anything. I told him the year was supposed to be for us both to work on things, when does his responsiblity start? He said give him three months and then ask. He said when you commit, you don't get to base walking away on your perception of whether things are getting better or worse.
I can't live three months, let alone a year, in the state things would be in if I stayed in that bed. I cannot handle the way things would be, it's not worth it and I should have accepted that about myself before I tried to do it. He told me if I stay in the bed, he will never sleep in it again. We all know from the truck issue that he is telling the truth. So, where does it get me?
Nops, I feel like you are right. My hopes for reconciliation need to be tabled, but I'm not emotionally strong enough to handle all of this again so soon!!

Oh, and Hairdog, it's funny you should mention what I would say to my best friend if her H were doing this. I've been trying to view things in that way...I've been trying to journal to myself a little bit like that. And you're right, I'd have a few things to say about a man like that. But I can't take him on, it's not me. That's why I always want to leave him-I can't beat him so when I decide I can't play anymore, leaving is always the only thing I come down to.