Quote: ------------------------------------------------------- Nops, what do I do with the rest of this year? Do I just pretend that I don't care if he wants to take separate vehicles? Do I refuse? Does the year even matter anymore? It was supposed to be for BOTH of us to try and to commit, not just me. -------------------------------------------------------
When you started this process, it was obvious that your husband has some serious control issues. They are likely based in insecurity and a lack of self esteem, and they seem to be serious, possibly abusive.
I steered you toward addressing the point that he seemed to be "stuck" on the most, your "affair". That was in an effort to get his attention and to let him know that you understood his pain.
Obviously, he chose your change in attitude to test you by extending his control, rather than embrace an opportunity to begin to recover the relationship.
So, what do you do from here.
I suggest that you start with some professional individual counseling. That is intended to help you with your boundary setting.
I suggest that you stop all threats and take actions instead. Stop pretending that his actions are acceptable. They are not. It is time that you turned off your giver, and turn on your taker.
Even if you live in a fifty/fifty state, then it would still behoove you to at least retain legal counsel so that you know your options and rights, for your children's sakes.
Since he has repeatedly shown himself to be inflexible, then I think that you should expect retribution from him (as he is already demonstrating). With his track record (as told to us here), I would make sure that your children are not used as pawns.
My suggestion to you, is to stand up for yourself, and make firm boundaries with your husband. That means you are going to have to turn loose of your hope for reconciliation for the time being.
Your first boundary should include him getting counseling for his control issues.
Don't blame yourself for this turn of events. You were being baited.
Tell me what you think, and lets talk about this and see what kind of solid plan we can help you with.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
