Detaching is not necessarily physical, it's more emotional. I did really nice things for my husband during our separation that might be considered a bit overboard... like leaving him extra cookies or brownies when I baked stuff (saying they were extra and figuring he might enjoy a few!). Thanking him for the nice things he did and always trying to point out one positive thing about him each time we had contact.

I didn't expect anything nice from him because all he said were angry, ugly things about me at that time. I just did the nice things to be nice and ignored any mean words he said (or apologized for hurt feelings or misunderstandings -- not admitting I did wrong because I didn't!!! But apologizing for how he felt or what he thought I meant... the other weapon I used was humor!).

Oftentimes you can't take this stuff personally. Sometimes they are mean because of hormones, guilt, stress, etc... I've learned to let a lot of stuff go. My husband tends to be a complainer for whom nothing is ever good enough. I've learned that's just who he is. And interestingly, he has finally come to realize this too! But it has taken a loooooong time.

There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.