he feels nothing not bad, not good towards me or us. He just feels hopeless. He thinks he's in depression and I know he is. H is tired all the time and is soooo sad, ==================== HB, you might've well just describe my H to a T last year, about this month (he came back in Abril) My H was a zombie, that's how I described him. During our 2nd C session he told the C that he thought moving back would make him better but that it didn't (he was drinking and just hanging w/the wrong crowd, he was in deep in a hole, sleeping in his car,everywhere.
He pretty much told me "I dont' hate you but I dont....you know". I totally understand how you and him are feeling. Would he considered taking anti-d medication? I'm very glad to her he is seeing a C himself, cognitive theraphy will help him lots (my H went off his anti-d and the T was keeping him somewhat teethered to reality- by a thin tread though) When I brought the lack of love subjet during C the C told us that M is built in love and commitment. When the "summer" of love fades and the novelty of the newlyweds is gone, and we start really knowing our partner, the other ring that binds us besides love is commitment. Right now, you both have commitment, with time and patience you can build back trust and love. It took my H about 10mths after he was back to tell me he loved me.
============= I also feel like I am putting in all the effort but h is simply on the receiving end. It is the expectation that "h should be nice to me now after all that I have done". and at least in mine, h is just acting to be "normal" before A. I force myself to give him credit just to be OK around me though I wish for much more. ========== Honey, please *please* understand he is empty right now, he doesn't offer much to the R because in reality he has nothing to give...yet. He needs to put himself together yet, he needs to love himself before he is able to give you what you crave: his love and affection.
I'd cried many times to our C, telling him how I just gave and gave and got nothing in return. The C would tell me that my H was very hurt and that he felt utterly insignificant, that he needed time to heal. That I'd have to give out of love, not expecting, but also giving the love I was receiving from God, a never-ending source.
============== I feel so tired of just trying and just want someone to care for me for ME, I feel so sad and selfish right now and I got to figure out how to rise above it once again before I help screw this all up again... I have realized =============== No more tears in front of him, he already feels like a failure and your unhappiness reminds him how much he's screwed up and the hurt he's caused. You aren't selfish, I also wanted my H to love me (inmediatly) as I had loved and longed for him while he was away. But we have to remember they in someways, had deamed our M dead and didnt' think they'd be back, they bur.
I want you to read my old thread of mine, every page if you can. It is about 12mths old, I was feeling and sayign the same things you are saying, and read the wonderful advice I got from my great friends here in piecing.
