Well, its strange that women often dont believe my honesty. You totally have that backwards. I take great pains to do no harm. The women that dont matter a tuppance, are quite safe from ever encountering anything viscerally hurtful. Since I am judged by my actions, not my feelings, looking at my hurt leached out here, is not an acurrate representation of what others saw. Much like I said to LFL. Her emotions may flipflop wildly here, but her IRL actions deserve a whole differant level of respect. Shes certainly no paragon of virtue, but if you had seen me eat x alive like a struggling bleating gazelle, right when she found her bunny again, you would be not be differing with me about this. thats why my personal boundary is if she commits marital infidelity, she is OUT. [snap]*poof* boundaries are not always for ourselves.
I think we misunderstood each other, because that's exactly what I meant. I don't worry at all for the one-penny women. I'll take your word for it that you're a charming and attentive lover and companion, who knows how to appreciate all their moments of glad grace, generously overlooks their faults, and rides off into the sunset under a flurry of misty eyes, waving handkerchiefs and happy memories.
I worry for the girl who matters, and who'll bash her head against that brick wall you call your principles, in matter how enticingly covered in ivy. Because that's inevitably what will happen. I think, deep down, you no longer respect women, because one broke your heart, and because you now figure they are fickle creatures at best, always re-acting, and unable to hold on to their own principles and morals in face of a man who does - nothing. You believe they must be placated, and lead, and kept from vaccillating all over the map, and you're tired of it. I also think that you cling to that explanation because it's a really convenient "out" for any responsibility you might have for the break-up, and you will subconsciously seek to re-create it in your next relationship, for if she proves you wrong you would
a) either really have made a stupid choice last time (can't have that)
or
b) actually learned something that helps keep this R on track, which means your actions probably also contributed to what happened in your previous R. (Especially can't have that)
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Its all perception, and Id much rather enter a marriage with someone who has their eyes open, which only comes from experience, then some clueless 'innocent' liable to self destruct on ignorant drama. Besides for the most part, they just stand there frozen with deer in the headlight eyes when I am around them. not very scintilliating.
This is actually a really mature statement, and it gives me more hope than anything else you've said. But no woman on the face of the planet will always "chose you" no matter how much you abandon her emotionally. If, as the director of a symphony, you hear a dissonant, and instead of telling that player to leave you in fact tell all other players to stop playing, and then go sit in the audience to watch the lone bad player play all by himself ...how likely is it that you'll ever hear pretty music again? And how likely is it that the audience will hang around to listen?
The next girl may not have an affair, but she may leave your a$$ if you do that to her. Which, if you have kids, is no picnic either.
Find one that's smart, has some life experience, and is willing to work on her relationship. Then go amd make her happy. You can, you know.
Oh, and if you find her? Don't patronize her. If you do, she'll kick your a$$ before leaving. *extremely friendly smile*
but if you had seen me eat x alive like a struggling bleating gazelle, right when she found her bunny again, you would be not be differing with me about this. thats why my personal boundary is if she commits marital infidelity, she is OUT. [snap]*poof* boundaries are not always for ourselves.