Well. We all know I have a wee bit of stubborness to me (ahem), and even though I was seeing a very good shrink, my 'desire' was still not returning.
I guess for me... I can look back and say with all honesty... that I never really 'knew' my H intimately. He never trusted me with his vulnerable self. I understand why, but I never got that from him. The reason why I even came here, why I even went the whole 'just do it' path was because I found Michele's book, and I asked my H, "is this how you feel?" He said 'yes, I've been trying to tell you that for years.' I suppose he did try to tell me, but it was couched in such contempt, anger and resentment, I could not see the hurt and vulnerability beneath it.... the two things that would have motivated me to move an entire mountain range for him.
He wanted all that from me, but he wasn't willing to give it himself... and then, even when I managed to figure things out on my own and said, 'screw it, I'm going to do it anyway...' his criticisms kept up. It kept him safe. And it kept me out.
That's not to say I have to have 24/7 of heart-to-heart talks, and have him behave and act like a woman. I have girlfriends for that. I needed his trust, and I needed to know that he could, every now and then, trust me with his inner self, especially in the bedroom.
I needed his amusement, not his annoyance. I needed optimism, not pessimism. I needed a husband, not another child that I was constantly having to care for.
That isn't who he is. If it tells you anything, his mother lives with him now.
