Its amazing... I am starting to live...

[COG]

Ali,

I posted the following on my thread but wanted to post the same thing here.

You are a dream woman! What a wildcat! You're H is so lucky. God Bless You for letting go of the shackles that bound you. Jealousy, anxiety, fear, selfishness, neediness, all that stuff aside, and what pops out, a seductive woman!

If every woman treated her man the way you treated your H, there would be half the D's there are today. Ali, I am so proud of you, and so happy for you too. Nothing else matters except the chemistry that YOU created. This never would have happened if YOU had not been willing and able to take a risk, let go your childish self centerdness, and allow your body and soul the frolic you and your H both need.

Can you put your magic in a bottle and send some to my W, to all W's?

I am just beside myself at what you did. You have no idea how far you just took your M. To new heights, over the top, WOW!!! You've just set a new standard for women.

Calling all women! If you want a new man in your H, just meet him at the airport like Ali did. You'll have them eating out of the palm of your hands, instead of eating at OW's house. (There's always exceptions of course, but not many)

Things like a clean house, kid's in order, pets fed, homework done, money in the bank, don't mean squat to us men in comparison to being met at the airport and seduced on the way home. Truly a dream come true.

You've just conjured up in me the vision of a real woman. Not the brave, strong, efficient, and sometimes ruthless business woman portrayed on TV, or the overworked soccer mom, but the brave, strong, seductive, and sexual woman that God created. All I can say again is, WOW!!

You H is going to bend over backwards for you. He'll do anything for you now. He's a new man baby, thanks to you! Nice work!

Love,

COG

[Delil@h]

He's a new man baby, thanks to you! Nice work!

Thanks COG,, Your post for some reason made me cry when I read it on Friday. I wanted to post more that day but MY H came home early ,very early ,and took me out to eat SUSHI,, my favorite!! And he was even under the weather!!!
So I guess you are right! And he was only here from Wednesday nite thru Sat. early a.m. so I wanted to spend every minute I could with him.
I am feeling better these days and I am very proud of myself for growing and working thru my insecurities and keep working on me and putting myself , my Marriage and my HUSBAND for sure FIRST and foremost.

I will continue to work thru my fears and keep going. Like I said I think I have reached my GOAL, but that doesn't mean stop and sit on my Laurels.
God bless...

[Delil@h]

A quick question for you .. On the way to the Airport my H listened to a VM he got the nite before.. and it was my EX FRIEND! What is more upsetting is her boyfriend stayed working while my H came here to attend to Business here( he works for a Company here and out of state) and she was suposedly calling cause she wanted my Hubby to take back a cell phone for her boyfriend / My h's friend and employee.

I heard her voice while he was listening to the VM he even turned down the volume so as I wouldn't hear her. But I still did,, and then he repeated her last sentence like a question sort of out loud. I stayed quiet.... Kept saying to myself ALI Stay calm for heavens sake do not say anything!!!!!!!!!!

Then my Heart started racing and I knew I had to say something but also did not want to ruin our few days together...

So I firmly and nicely stated "THAT WAS *&^^%^&* wasn't it?"
and he was honest and said " yes it was ." and before he got in a word edge wise. I said " see that is what I am talking about why in Gods name does she have to call you when her boyfriend is not with you!!!???" OOOOPPPPSSS kind of lost it!

MY H frustrated more than angry replied.. " she wanted me to take *&(^% a cell phone ." she also left him message the day before too. Apparently! So both days my H is home she calls him and not in the am in the evening. Knowing he'll be home.

I lost it even more and even said this in SPANISH!!! I normally speak only English!
TRANSLATION FOLLOWS.
" you see that is exactly what I mean why does she need to call you so much and if she is such a nice person why doesn's she have the balls to come over and face me and drop off the damn phone. I do not care if you take him the phone that is not the point the point is she is so damn disrespectful!!!"
My H had nothing to say to defend her like he had a month or so ago when she acted like an IDIOT. ( which is an understatement )
He did say however why don't we talk @ something important, not this like work or something. I said sure lets talk @ something important I AGREE she is not important but what she does is uncalled for!

Subject closed..... why doe sthis make my Blood boil? When I am so Happy? I get so furious!!!!! At her more than Hubby ,, He is just trying to be nice and in the end hurting my feelings w/o that being his intention. SHEESH!

When we got to the Airport later after having breakfast first, we were walking towards the Terminal and he asked me something he hasn't asked me in over a year.

"DO YOU LOVE ME? "
I answered of course I love you precious and very much how could I not you are so precious to me.

Maybe it is nothing .... but I thought you could give me your male insight....

This was yesterday morning.. that I dropped him off to fly back.
He told me while on his flight back ILY
and then later yesterday I again....
said to him ILY and he said ILY2 and then before I went to bed I called him to say Goodnite and he stated I LOVE YOU.

WOW now that is a record....

I dunno why he would ask me if I love him he hasn't asked me that in so long ......
God bless...

[Delil@h]

Although I am under the weather I am feeling very strong today and like things are Brilliant ..not just OK. I have power in me that I never knew existed , I am strong , stronger than I ever could have imagined. Yesterday Hubby told me he loved me no less than three times... So in one week he said it at least 8 or more times now that is a record for him in the past year.
\0/ \0/ YEAH!!!!!!!
And I was feeling ill yesterday too ,so he also called a few times to check on me and one time he even asked when I answered.. "how is my baby?"

Small little comments like this are what I missed so much thru this whole time in my LIFE! I hope he continues to grow and feel safe with me! I could get used to this!!!!
God bless...

[COG]

Ali,

I am feeling very strong today and like things are Brilliant ..not just OK. I have power in me that I never knew existed , I am strong , stronger than I ever could have imagined.

I have not one shred of doubt that sex is God's way of helping H and W empower EACH OTHER! I'd bet if you asked your H, he'd feel similar, but he'd feel more like he was fulfilled, or completely relieved. Oh I wish more women would go where you've gone. We should also pray for those that would love to go there, but have no willing H to go to. I personally know how frustrating that is. It's like having a race car in the garage, but never being able to drive it. Look but don't touch.

My W is very independent and prideful. She does everything for everyone else, but her pride will not allow her to give herself completely to me. She's put me in a compartment, throws in a little food and water, and then goes on about her business. Between her independent spirit, and her mother's teaching that sex was dirty, our R remains far less fulfilling than it should be.

Ali, I can't stop saying how proud I am of you. You have done an incredible thing here. A normal person doing something truly incredible. I don't think most women understand just how important sex is to men, and how powerful it is for both parties. Thankfully for your H, now YOU do!

Peace and Love,

COG

[COG]

Ali,

Subject closed..... why doe sthis make my Blood boil? When I am so Happy? I get so furious!!!!!

It's satan stepping up his game. Preying on your weakness, your jealousy, your fear. I think you need to get past this stupid woman, she's not worth it. You've already stood your ground and announced you distain for her to your H. You've done the right thing, now maybe you could try to understand HIS position. This stupid woman's boyfreind works for/with your H. That puts your H in easy reach of her. I'd back off, let it go, and move on from it. I'm sure your H probably does'nt like her very much either, but puts up with her to keep peace at work and help his buddy. Sorry Ali, I think it's time to let it go, just like that tattoo.

Don't waste the energy and get distracted on meaningless stuff like that. Start planning how you'll seduce your H nexttime.

Love,

COG

[Delil@h]

Thank you soo much COG.. I had an awesome post and I just cant seem to get a hang of this Laptop my Hubby got me @ a month ago. I seem to close the window w/o even knowing.. I do this almost every time I post.UUUGGGHHH!
And the words were just flowing . Well I will see if I can start over.
I am truly starting to see the power there is in truly giving myself to my H. I used to hold onto my fear for dear life and not let go my knuckles were white for God's sake!
I really am and I am so tired of having to either be a GOOD WIFE WHO DOES THE LAUNDRY, DUSTS THE WOOD WORK AND GOES TO THE GROCERY STORE OR THE *(&& WHO LIKES TO HAVE A GOOD TIME IN BED TOO.
I too like your wife have a Mother who says that SEX is dirty and she still does now that I am a grown Woman. How sad. I for one am so tired of it. Also I was sexually abused as a child and so those demons were there too. I really thought I had dealt with those long ago but I see that the memories tortured me to think sex is dirty too. And what kind of person am I if I enjoy F*&*()ng... now and again. What kind of person does that make me? A d*mn good WIFE is what it makes me.

I am sooo tired of the pressure that society, well meaning relatives, friends and family put on a Woman that you cannot be a good wife and excellent and hot in bed too. NO wonder there is so much unhappiness in Marriages. MINE INCLUDED.

I thought I crossed that barrier a long time ago but I only tip toed to it and never really crossed it. I have read Passionate Marriage and I also want to get SSM by MICHELLE,,, I read an AOL article on this book and I need it like I need the air I breathe. The 15 points they made described me too much and I wiil not refuse to go back to being scared of my sexuality or of how much power I as Woman have. NEVER! My H actually needs for me to be like this in order for him to shine.

I am starting to see this is what Monogamy is or should be HOT monogamy,, Afterall he is my H I have every right to "use " his body for my pleasure and give him pleasure that only I can because I am his Wife and it is my God given right to know his body and take him to Heaven every now and again. I am his Wife and only I can give this kind of pleasure what a good system..his body is mine to explore without fear and to give my Passion too w/o hesitation. I for one and tired of the Philosophy ..

Is it called the Madonna/Wh*re complex? That I cant go to the store come home and whip up the most fabulous food you have ever tasted and that is to be applauded but if I go to the store and buy a small bottle of wine and then come home and seduce my Husband until I am sweating and he is smiling like a little kid at Christmas... when does that get Praised?

I keep a good house and my kids are great too,,,, awesome but this new found sensuality I am going to embrace this more.

My MOM and many others have made me feel sex is dirty and even dirtier if you are thoroughly enjoying yourself. A GOOD CATHOLIC WIFE WOULD NEVER DO THAT!!!!
I used to always say that being Married is a Luxury and now even more so when I realize it is a sacred act to please my H they way only, I his Wife can.....
I CAN and will be both an awesome Wife and also my husbands best and most awesome lover ever, for ever!!!!

Sad really that we as Women are taught so may negative things or NOTHING at all @ SEX.
When it is vital like the air we breathe for a Marriage to grow and thrive. And NO, NOT Porn style or Olympic Marathon style sessions all though those are fun! Just real ML and real Passion kinda like the got milk adds.. GOT SEX? 2 minutes , 2 hours as long as we can really be NAKED / VULNERABLE and give who we are then we have arrived,, really arrived.
IT is the year 2007 and many of us Women are still living like it is 1940.... it is really hard to let go and be who you need to be when evryone is critiquing ( SP? ) you. You know what my body gave birth to 5 kids and is not perfect like the ones in The Magazines but I dare say I have more sensuality than those stick figures. AND IT TOOK ME FAR TOO LONG TO GET HERE AND I STILL HAVE A LONG ROAD AHEAD ACTUALLY. But I am going to get there and feel damn beaufiful the whole way. I am tired of listening to others , if I say I am sexy ,, I AM. IT IS A STATE OF MIND NOT A SIZE AND DEFINITELY NOT AN AGE EITHER!!!
God bless....

[Delil@h]

YOU are so right @ her,, it just gets under my skin for no reason. I need to focus on what to do next time I see my H. I am really looking at investing in the SSM book, when I read the article on AOL,, it was me to a T and also the steps in there that you helped me take to take off the D*mn shackles that were making both of us so unhappy. WOW!!!

I do not want to go there again ,,,
.... is this position right? is this to over the top? do I look FAT? my stretch marks eeeeew! To h*ll with that just put me into this and let go and feel and give myself to him and that was what it took. NO EASY task mind you... especially when you are going on blind..... I have lots of recipes and know how to kep my house looking Immaculate but where would I have gone to get JUICY in BED and be a HOT MAMA? This is a real problem COG,, and I almost lost my H b/c of this!!! This is serious for as much as I try to make light of it. I now know why I cried when i read your response the other day to me THIS IS BIG THIS IS HUGE....... I HAVE POWER AND MY H NEEDS ME NOT JUST WANTS ME HE NEEDS MY BODY AND PASSION LIKE THE AIR HE BREATHES.
It is not a chore but real beauty and real power...
God bless you COG for helping me to grow,, I can never thank you enough you are an amazing HUMAN BEING!!! DO NOT EVER FORGET THIS!!
Que DIOS te Bendiga para siempre, ALI

[COG]

Ali,

I used to hold onto my fear for dear life and not let go my knuckles were white for God's sake!

satans work.

And what kind of person am I if I enjoy F*&*()ng... now and again. What kind of person does that make me? A d*mn good WIFE is what it makes me.

Amen sista! Bullseye! RIGHT ON DA MONEY!!!!

I wiil not refuse to go back to being scared of my sexuality or of how much power I as Woman have. NEVER! My H actually needs for me to be like this in order for him to shine.

You made it Ali, you have arrived! AWESOME! I'm 48 years old and I've never actually met a woman that got it, really got it. You are the first!

I am starting to see this is what Monogamy is or should be HOT monogamy,, Afterall he is my H I have every right to "use " his body for my pleasure and give him pleasure that only I can because I am his Wife and it is my God given right to know his body and take him to Heaven every now and again.

Hot monogamy, it does'nt get any better, it's right, it's blessed, it's a gift straight from God for BOTH partners.

That I cant go to the store come home and whip up the most fabulous food you have ever tasted and that is to be applauded but if I go to the store and buy a small bottle of wine and then come home and seduce my Husband until I am sweating and he is smiling like a little kid at Christmas... when does that get Praised?

If we all had that attitude, we'd be alot thinner, and a lot more satisfied.

You are awesome Ali, keep up the good work.

Love,

COG

[Delil@h]

I am doing well tonite just felt like I needed to post to calm my nerves. My H got upset with me cause my cousin had set up a myspace page for me and I told him about it. The EX-friend I always gripe @ on here left me a private message and I told himk @ it he got "salty" more than angry and says its for kids and you aren't one. So I erased it and apologized a couple of times. I do not mind his input and he did not iverreact like he used to ,, I just though the wouldn't get like that and then when I called to say Goodnite he was still " salty" . And said ok good nite I will talk to you tommorrow. ( in the driest tone you can imagine)

I am still a little upset b/c I agree it is for young people and my son also set it up for me in the past and I deleted it then too. My cousin just set it up on Mothers day when she was over and I just smiled while she was doing it. I do not mind not having it it's just that I get upset with his sometoimes old school way of thinking and that I always have to be this perfect classy lady and I can't be silly once in awhile. Oh well....

I get upset b/c he has this real aversion now to ...anything "YOUNG" . His "OW" was 12 years younger than me, and so anytime I get close to being "YOUNG" or letting my hair down if it is not to his liking he lets me know. Last year in October when I wore a shirt that was too young he told me it actually made him physically sick to look at me in it and why did I think I looked nice? Had all I could do to hold back the tears...
I guess this is why this stings more b/c of an accumilation of things he has said to me. I do not go out ever and I am pretty much always here at home I do not have many outside interests aside from my Family or going to the GYM and that is fine with me so it hurts that he gets like this over this.
When he went to Mexico for 2 months he would call me very late , well early morning hours after he had been out drinking and say HI and I never got upset like I used to in the past I just trusted him. So MY being upset is really not about him getting salty it is more to with me feeling his old tinge of I can do x, y or z but you have to be at home and be perfect thinking. I really could care less about the topic that made him salty ,, I just get frustrated with he can do x, y or z and it is A OK and I always need to be Jackie O. While I do also want for people to admire me and respect me and be beautiful and classy the way she was ... I am not perfect.

This is why ,PARTLY ,in the past I could not get into my sexuality b/c OH MY what will my H think if I do this or that in bed.


SO YES I AM VENTING SOME AND I DO FEEL BETTER NOW. I also do not like him getting this way when I am a good person... oh well enough being salty myself.
I love him and he loves me and WOW I guess it kind of freaked me out that he got like that when things were going so very well.
Sure it is nothing dramatic but it still bugged me enough to not go to bed and want to post here.

I guess it just brings up alot of old BAGGAGE for me and I am uncomfortable... I told him a month ago when I went to see him and he was hard on me about my weight gain or other things " WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS SO HARD ON ME AND NOONE ELSE?" "YOU'LL BE DOING THIS TIL I AM 80 YEARS OLD WON'T YOU ?" AND HE SAID "yes..."
He said it is to help me grow.....
I dunno sometimes I think he is too judgemental of me more than trying to make me grow.... when he is in a receptive mood I can gently tell him @ x, y or z and when he is not there is no convincing him even if I say the sky is blue. Maybe that is just how he is hardwired. I hope he coninues to grow and keeps being awesome... I am happy but once in awhile he reminds me that I feel like I can not be free. I dare say that things are much better and he does allow me to be freer than I have been in a VEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYY long time and then I wonder am I free or am I just his PUPPET?
I am free... I choose to be free and I will go to bed knowing I am a good person and that I am not perfect and it is ok.
I am me and that is just who I am ... and I love myself enough to know that this is just a tiny blip compared to what I have been thru this past 12 months so why am I so why am I writing a novel?? I truly sound like a babbling IDIOT ....Any thoughts ?
God bless...