You are so very welcome,, it put a smile on my face to know I helped someone. I too needed encouragement like you state you do while I was " dB'ing". When everyone around was not suportive I got support and even praise here from other DB'ers. A real blessing, I do believe had it not been for this Forum Things may not have turned out so well. And Of course for my hard work too. And yes he wil nmot give many details and he will be buttoned lip @ it. I cannot say when and if he will ever "open up" or not but from my own experience. My H told me too much at first and I did not ask... ..... and then he stopped altogether and if I brought it up which was not often ( I made myself a promise and my H to never mention it again as if it never happened if and when he came home and was committed to me and she was completely out of the picture!!) he would get angry spme or say I do not want to talk about it. And then I remember several months into reconciliation... When he asked why I could not open up sexually I said b/c of her. And he explained in great detail she meant nothing to him that she had begged, and begged some more and pleaded for him to reconsider and he told her NO!!!! I told him well thank you for that info it helps some but I wish you would have told me sooner, he says OH I thought I told you?
Yet even after he told me I still had a lot of soul searching to do and he was very hard on me,, I had to pull myself up alone and like I told you just recently has he been very supportive ans respectful and sweet too. Sure he was nice before but he was stil holding back that is certain! He had to TRUST me FIRST!! Silly as that sounds. He told me In January and it stung like hell ,BTW, that our "R" wasn't as gooD as he would hope and he felt sad for us,, and it upset me , pissed me off but he was actaully right!
I was still basically carrying a torch for his OW, the pain of what he had done and I was standing still , he was ready to go FORWARD AND I WAS STUCK IN FEAR. Holding onto my pain for dear life afraid to walk forward ALONE . HE MIGHT HURT ME AGAIN.
So yes every situation is different and everyone is different. But it does seem you are similiar to me in that you need encouragement. Give yourself a pat on the back every now and again too. The more you grow and love yourself and the stronger you become the easier this becomes with or without their support. Sure OUR H's can help but we need to strong enough to have our own wings and fly when we need to.
Take care and smile thru your tears.. you can do it. God bless...
