I think the rub for CeMar is not that his wife does things FOR him because he is her husband. She obviously does this. I think what CeMar wants is a passionate kiss from his wife because she is the one who wants a passionate kiss from him. Kind of in the same way a woman wants the male throw down sex. Which, btw, I think you get.
CeMar's misunderstanding here is being blocked by his hurt and his long held resentment. It is what is referred to as poverty consciousness... he does not see that he has to give in order to get... it's really hard to do when you are that hurt and pissed.
I think I remember reading once that CeMar said his wife said... "I'm beyond all that now..." or something to that effect. SHE believes she is no longer a passionate woman.
I remember feeling that way, too. I had no idea where my sexual desire went... I didn't FEEL it. It wasn't THERE. And no matter how hard I tried... I couldn't figure out a way to get it BACK. So... I stopped trying and poo-pooed my H's efforts.
He went the same direction CeMar is... he got more hurt and more pissed and withdrew even further... and all that did was fuel his feelings of entitlement... and all that did was make things worse.
CeMar: I guess that is why everyone is telling you you have to lose the anger, and allow your wife to see your hurt and vulnerability. I'm sure you've been reading Choc's thread... and he was probably one of the only posters on here who really seemed to understand your POV.
If you are not willing to talk to your W about this directly... would you be willing to send her an email? The girls here would be willing, I'm sure, to help you write it, or at least give you feedback.
