I have tried to change my perceptions, and it works for a while, a few months maybe, but then the desire/sex drive issue always resurfaces in me. It's who I am. I know me.
Who said anything about shifting perceptions? Maybe shifting to appreciate his good points is ok, but trying to shift to suppress your desires seems like it will only build resentment in you. Any shift I was thinking about is to drop the undertone of resentment that seems to affect your perception, then try a more proactive, problem solving type of approach.
Because honestly, we both know we are not the greatest lovers together.
He seems to think this way too. Does he hang out with any male friends? Do they make the usual male sex jokes, ogle women when out by themselves, that sort of thing? Or is your H totally turned off by such male behavior? Has he been so conditioned by his complaining mother that he has come to hate men as much as she does?
I told him flat out on Saturday night, maybe you would find someone who was a better match for you.
Mmmmm…. no…. not quite the proactive approach I had in mind. Not the martyr like guilt trip you should be laying on him either, regardless of whether it is the hard-hitting truth or not. Remember how you actually wanted to see some jealousy in him as a sign you that he cares for you…. well, I think he might like to see the same from you. That statement seems to be going in the wrong direction, don’t ya think?
So ok, the complaing approach won't work. I'm done complaining about the sex.
If he doesn’t feel he is good at sex, and you don’t feel he is good at sex, then what do you think he is good at? Is there something else you can emphasize to make him feel good about himself so he can feel more attached to you, more confident, and therefore feel less like he is being judged when it comes to sex?
