Choc Rarely post here but occasionally read and have followed your history.
Rough background to my own situation M 31 years H had an A 15 yrs ago PA with younger girl knew but could never get proof no mobile phones or emails to check back then. H ended the A without ever giving me the speech.
As ALWAYS happens when someone is having an A they withdraw emotion from their partner and my H also withdrew all affection. I would occasionally try to get close to him (A lasted 2 yrs off and on) but was rejected so often I withdrew emotionally myself.
So when thr A ended I was still unable to be intimate and the cycle continued of no ML and he slept with a friends W. Everything came out into the open about the previous OW and I thought o.k. this will never happen again. Our SL improved and I thought great we're back on track. However it still seemed to be me doing all the initiating and eventually I just didn't bother. I knew he worked hard and was often jet lagged and didn't want to put pressure on him. To be honest I never really felt that he truly desired me.
I relise now that the issues of why he chose to have an A in the first place were never really addressed by him or me. Lack of communication has always been a big problem in our M.
Fast forward to now. Discovered H has/had been having an EA/PA not sure which because H has ED problem. Confronted him about the A and told him I wasn't prepared to live without affection any more. If he pulled away from me again the M was over. I explained how starved I had felt and that I had become tired of always being the one to make the first move. I wanted him to kiss me passionately and to become intimate again.
Obviously the ED was an added complication as I knew he had viagra but would not use with me. Anyway we started kissing again dating and doing more as a couple. I realised how men felt from reading this and other sites and I have changed dramatically. I managed to find a supplement that has meant no need for viagra and we ML at least once a week and it is better than it has been for years for both of us.
I can honestly say my H would have described me as LD when I was desperate for intimacy. I just wanted him to show it to me not the other way around.
I guess why I'm telling you this is to give you hope that you CAN rebuild intimacy with your wife but you BOTH have to see that you BOTH have to change.
