Ok. so my wife got home. And after the kids got to bed, we sat around and talked about her trip over a bottle of wine.

Lots of laughing, good natured conversation and discussion about art, life, friendship, her business, food, etc.

I take that as a positive, however no less than 4 times when the conversation came to discussion about a future event, she was clear that I was not included. Example: some friends coming to visit, but she didn't want them to come until.. (where until means we live seperately). Hiring a new employee, but she didn't want to until she figured out where her studio is going to be... Comparing a friends approach to dating to her own -- 'When shes done with a relationship she is very matter of fact, sort of like someone else I know' (referring to herself).

Anytime she would do this I would simply not respond. And very quickly she would keep the conversation going in another direction. I don't know if i'm handling it correctly, part of me feels good we are connecting, the other feels like i'm being walked all over.

The conversation makes me feel like we are closer than we have been in a long time. But the future statements that are sure not to include me are really frustrating.

I think i have clear boundaries of what is okay to talk about and what is not. I also feel like happy, cordial, fun conversation is a positive for our relationship as I can show her my new listening skills, and show her respect for the things she is talented at. All positives. However, i guess i can't expect anything but "i'm sure about moving on" right now. I just hope that she doesn't see us as good friends who have both decided to move on as our relationship didn't work.

She even said she realized that whatever you think about in a relationship can either strengthen or hurt a relationship (meaning she dedicated her energy to OM and not me, and when she did dedicate it to me it was on the negatives).. I said its funny you said that, because i recently read a book that said something similar, and that you would never run a business thinking about another business, and you would never run a business spending only 1 hour a week nurturing it, yet we do that with our relationships. (The book is Emotional Infidelity by Gary Neuman - i didn't tell her the name - its actually a great book about how to have a great marriage, unfortunately i can't apply most of it right now).

Welcome to crazy town. Like she realizes her blame, yet she is unapologetic, and still thinks she and the kids will be happier if she "follows her heart" and goes after this guy.

As long as the OM is in the picture she has no room for me. Maybe she thinks I'll always be here for her, so she might as well have her fun?

Do you think I should change my approach or continue with the current one which is to 'keep the positive memories rolling'. Should i go darker, be less available? I guess i don't think i have enough new good feelings and memories in the bank yet to do that, and if she goes through with seperation i'll have plenty of opportunities for that.

I guess i am realizing that she is going to need to hit rock bottom or question the OM before she will be able to look back at all the changes I have made and realize what she is missing.

oh well. I guess i need to see the positives. I mean I didn't expect her to come through the door and throw her arms around me.. So having a nice night and talking about things other than our relationship for 3.5 hours is good right.