Piecing, 2 steps forward, one back, or more?

[25yearsmlc]

jdk,

thanks. I swear to you, that in every other major decision of my life, I've been decisive. Not impulsive, but usually clear about what factors to consider, which one is most moral or right, most advantageous for the situation, etc. And I don't look back if I know I've made the choice wisely. I cannot understand my confusion in a way. I mean, I feel like I'm on a giant pendulum about this whole thing. h has not said enough of what I need to hear, or done enough of what he needs to do--actually other than being nice, h hasn't "done" anything differently and so I do fear that I'm being foolish to go up there.

IF he could just stay humbled a bit, "aware" of what he is missing now and be grateful as heck that we are even willing to share our lives with him after such disappointing choices...so that the future CAN be different than what we've had the past 2 years.

Also, our son (21 next month) is clearly annoyed and angry at h. Even more than that, I don't think he likes his dad. This kills me and would really kill H. H has a dad who deeply disappointed him, although there is still love and some laughs together. But h spends as average of 3-4 days every Other year, with his dad....and I suspect he's heading the same way with our son. My family, warts and all, DOES communicate frequently ( 3 times a week or more, for my sisters and mom) so it's really weird to me. And scary. What if h thinks that 's fine? Oh and btw, h also says things your w says, that bug the crap out of me...."Kids are resilient" "will be fine" etc blah blah blah.

Well, I am hoping time will give me clarity. H is really stupid to let things go on though, after a fight. I HATE the silence on his end when he is the one who should be reassuring ME....instead, the second I complain about the ENORMOUS sacrifice he is expecting, he gets mad at me...OMG, that's when I think I'm insane to even be married to him. Okay, I'll try harder to cool off. Thing about divorce OR staying in this marriage, (like you I guess) is that either way, I have to do some more major life changes FOR him....
sorry to just vent. God help me to find and feel the love again.
j-