Thanks so much for your input Cat. I do have the Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands and the Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage. I will check into the other book as well.
I am trying so hard not to push my H since I realize that just makes everything so much worse. I am also trying to show him that I am trying to change but I am unsure how to do that when we don't spend very much time together. The good news is that my H has told me that there is hope for our marriage and that he wants to make baby steps to R, which thrills me and scares me at the same time. Our MC has suggested to us to go out on dates several nights a week and to try to reconnect. On these dates we are not supposed to discuss any of our problems, just try to have a good time. Sounds great in theory...even sounds like it should be fairly easy to do, right??? We had a date last night and WE just seem to keep bringing up our issues through out the evening. I remind him that we aren't supposed to talk about things but WE just keep going there. I believe he wants to vent and I just want to find a way to reconnect somehow (I'm sure he perceives this as pushing). Our ability to communicate effectively is way screwed up and he thinks I don't listen to him. I am trying my best to listen to him, but maybe I am not responding how he thinks I should. I don't know.
We seem to have this vicious circle that we are having trouble breaking. I am trying to indentify what is working for us and what isn't. I am just not sure I see any clear patterns. Are our expectations just so far out of whack??? Maybe we need rules of engagement??? I want to keep from repeating our mistakes before even more damage is done.
