That does seem to have been a productive argument.
You are going to destroy our family for some guy who F*cks good?! Get your prorities straight!
A lot can be learned from this statement, plus his show of anger. I read two things in it. One is that he is concerned about the marriage and the family. His anger really confirmed that point. Perhaps he could read the discussion we had on this board some time ago about jealousy. Maybe he feels a certain possessiveness over you but thinks showing it is immature. I think this is a common fallacy of many men. The thinking is that to be a strong alpha male, you should not show jealousy, that is placating and needy.
But the fact of that matter is that being an emotional doormat does not sit will with the women, does it? What you want is to see some level of jealousy, which means he cares for you. But too much becomes subjugating and controlling. Many men have it drilled into them that jealous behavior is immature and actually a form of sexual harassment or abuse. So the best thing to do is not display any of it.
But men still feel what they feel, as you saw in your H. You needed to pull that jealousy out of him to convince yourself he cared. You had to relieve your anxiety. Nothing wrong with that, but it is your anxiety. Now you know, and now you might be able to ask him to show a little healthy jealousy because YOU need the periodic affirmation, that YOU need assurance, not that HE needs to show it.
The other thing I see in his statement is a lot of self consciousness, admitting that he is not a good f*ck, like other men. So HE needs soothing and comforting from you. Badgering him for sex, something he may not feel competent in doing, may only serve to reinforce his thoughts that each time you do have sex, he is somehow less that satisfactory (sort of ties in with his comments to you when you vomited after sex, doesn’t it?) So what could YOU do to make him feel he is the greatest lover in the world, better than the other man? How are YOU going to change that difference in perception within your own head, which you just relived this week, and which I am sure your H senses?
