NikkiB #15 (moving to Piecing)

[NikB]

Thanks for checking in ST!

I like that wording, too. I think I like "continue" because it acknowledges all the OTHER positive steps H has been taking, but yeah, at some point this will be a critical issue if we're going to keep moving forward.

I haven't really addressed the OW/PW thing again. I need to but frankly I'm just tired of it and decided to give myself a break. I know the contact continues (not sure of the extent but I know there's still some), and I'm not ready to do anything yet. Sooo trying to ignore it for now but I know it's impacting how I'm acting around H.

I originally had a bunch of plans this weekend so I'd be pretty busy - kind of back to GALing and focusing on me. But they ALL fell through, so I've spent a lot of time with him. Most of it's been good but three different times yesterday I got hit with really bad memories of time spent with OW/PW last year and I know I was completely grumpy by last night. I found some new plans for today to get out on my own for awhile so I think that'll be a big help!

It's frustrating because I see him trying so hard 95% of the time but it's that 5% (the contact w/her) that I'm allowing to impact me too much. Yesterday he invited me to the hobby shop with him, told me really excitedly about all the stuff he was working on in the garage, asked about my day... all good stuff. We went to the races together last night and our mutual friend did great, lots of fun!!

But then... I'll flash back to the race we went to with OW/PW last year and just want to cry. Or H will mention "Hey remember when we went to XYZ" and I'm racking my brain thinking "How could I not remember doing that together?" Then he'll quietly realize "Ohhhh wait that was with OW/PW." It's so weird because he'll apologize for stuff that happened last year, but then he continues talking to her or seeing her at happy hour and acts like it's a whole different thing. I realize the contact is a LOT less (1-2 short phone calls a week at most), but it's almost like he cut off contact for a month and now thinks he's got a clean slate. Like all of the crap last year was inappropriate, but now he can somehow "start over" having an appropriate "friendship" with her. Bleh.

I DO think he's back to appropriate boundaries with her and what COULD have been a friendship that was OK with me IF 2006 never happened. I guess somehow I need to get the point across that in my mind it's too late to have an appropriate friendship with her. Sorry babe, I'm just not THAT stupid. And like Ellie said earlier - even if I AM being irrational about it, too bad, if he wants to work on our M, cutting off non-work contact w/her is a must at some point.

Anyway sorry, just rambling and doing some venting!!

Now off to go do something FUN and get my mind off it for now.