Hapinees, is it even possible part II

[Bear]

Cemar,
Thanks for continuing the discussion...

What is NOT reasonable on my list. Tell me and I may reconsider that list.

From me:

16) See yourself as his LOVER, not his wife, and not a mother.
17) Put HIM at the center of your life, not the kids, not the job, not ANYTHING else.

From GEL:

I'll even go so far as to say this as an HD woman myself, if I thought someone EXPECTED this behavior of me that would turn me off, it would be a sexual repellant for me. The expectation is not attractive, it's needy. YUCK!

What you are looking for is "romantic love", the love they literally play out in romance novels (which BTW I read and get a kick out of, I find them funny!). Most of the things from your list would fit into a romance novel type of "love". Ever notice, they never show you the couple in a romance novel 5-10-20 years down the road? Nope, they never do...it's always just the honeymoon phase. Romantic love isn't sustainable 24/7.

From LFL:

I am very HD and I don't want to do a lot of those things on your list with my H. Desire is a two-way street. But maybe when it comes to M, as others have stated, that expectation of total desire is just not realistic.

A male perspective from Cobra:

I do believe there is merit in the criticism of his list of desire, because he may be setting the bar so unrealistically high that his W, nor any other woman, will reach for it.

Honestly Cemar, this is just our perspectives. What matters is your wife's. I hope you can see that even by other's HD standards though, you may be asking for too much. If your W feels she is never enough, she will stop trying. It sounds like maybe that's what happened. I'm sure she can also sense the resentment towards her that we here can sense. That is also a good way to kill desire. Do you even realize the mountain of crap you have piled on her that she would have to overcome in order to feel desire again? I'd bet she's as full of resentment as you are.

Many of those books, Cemar, are about trying to get desire back because that is the natural cycle of a relationship. It comes and goes and it moves out of the romantic love/honeymoon phase pretty quickly. You can be pissed off about it for 20 years and have a bad attitude and ensure that there will not be any room for desire in your relationship (just like a LD woman who is resentful that she is not being "romanced" anymore) or you could listen to the people here who are trying to help you open the door to regain some of what you are looking for. Obviously what you have been doing up until now is not working. Why not try something else??

Bear