This morning came and I find myself both positive and depressed; who knew such mixed feelings could come in the same moment? Maybe I should thank my H for all of the new experiences he's given me.
Do any of you find it difficult to balance the walk between becoming the new you, that person exorcised of demons who anyone might love and want, and knowing that you are a good person anyway and that the only reason you are doing any of this is to attract the attention of the one person you aren't supposed to be changing for?
I keep thinking that I love my H -- and that I have loved him and have known him for more of my life than I didn't -- but that I also know of so many wonderful second marriages and I wonder if I'm being short sighted. And as soon as I say that I want to scream and shake myself.
To give myself something positive to think about: 1) couple days ago, H mentioned that the thought of dividing up our belongings is too depressing to think about 2) H asked me to tell him more of how & why I had been worrying about S2 the morning after he couldn't talk on the phone - "I want to know how you are doing..." 3) H has been a bit more warm when talking, vs. the usual cool detached distance thing most times.
It's only been four and a half months ... and I know this can go on for ages ... how do you all do it?
