Needed: A Big Dose of Reality

[RedHeadWife]

At first, yes, I felt guilty like I had not done or had done things that "forced" him into cheating. Being on this Board though has corrected my thinking and at one point I did tell him that it was HIS choice to find comfort w/ OW. That's definitely how I feel about it now. I know that if he does it again I CAN'T allow him to stay, but I'm not dwelling on that negative b/c he knows the score and I truly believe he knows that he CAN'T do it again.

I'm kind of torn between wondering if I did the right thing by "accepting" his behavior and somehow "allowing" him to do what he did by allowing him to stay, but I think if I can just get beyond the trust issues (which he isn't really helping me w/) then I can get to a better place in the R/M. I believe I've done everything and am still doing everything and vow never to slack off on doing everything to keep our M in a good place from my end so if this ends up not being "good enough" for him then he needs to just walk. If that were to happen, I don't think it would be possible for me (or anyone maybe) to ever keep him happy/satisifed. I know that he would end up in the same place 7 yrs down the road w/ someone else b/c he hasn't dealt with HIS issues. But that means I am ok & at a better place and he is not.

No, I don't think he ever made me feel "special" or not in a long time anyway. I still feel like he's "running this show" and I'm still trying to smooth things over / make sure he knows how good he has it. I still feel like he has the "upper hand." I'm slowly dealing w/ all of this on a daily basis. Trying not to dwell on the negative. I don't know if he's still talking to OW and I'm not going to ask. All I can do is work on ME and making myself more self-assured and confident in ME and not base that on my M.

Then this a.m. I came to the realization that maybe he is not as self-assured and confident as he seems to be and maybe that's part of his unhappiness. It seems he is a lot "needier" than I realized and needed more "taking care of" than I realized and was doing for him. I'm wondering how he is going to react when I do start getting stronger & stronger as I find out who I am w/o him around. Will this scare him? Will he find it attractive? But who takes care of me?