Sashaying thru Seperation III

[theoden]

MC,

Your doing fine.

She doesn't hate you. She's confused.

Keep up the good work.

--Theoden

[mcojh]

OK she doesn't hate me. SO esplain this Lucy. We went out for drinks tonight. While enjoying a margarita, she asked me if I thought us going out confused the boys. In my head I thought, "it confuses me, so how could they not be confused.", but I took a pull off my drink and said, "no".

She went on to say that S15 told her it was ok etc. She then said that when I touch her, it can be confusing to them. She also said that she doesn't like me to touch her all the time. We moved on and eventually the end of the night came. I dropped her off and told her that I would give her a hug in the truck rather than get out because it was cold out. She said that if I thought I deserved a hug (smiling) I had to get out. I did and she gave me a hug. WTH??? That is true proof of believe half of what they do and none of what they say.

[lovelyolive]

I love all of that outside stuff. Planting flowers makes me happy I'm gonna do some of that today.

Yup.. she is so darn confused it's not even funny. It's probably just the opposite. She WANTS you to touch her all the time but is afraid to admit that she likes it 'cause it goes against everything she's trying to prove!

[mcojh]

So do I keep up the casual touches or do I back off???? I am inclined to back off a bit, and then start building again.

[mcojh]

Well last night my margarita loosened tongue got me. I offered to pick CW and the boys up for church this morning. She was all for the idea.

I picked them up wearing a new skinny outfit. When we got there, at least 3 chicks commented on how good I looked. CW was in chare of snacks for a teacher appreciation thing. When we got there, none of her committee was there to help, so S15 and I helped her get ready. I floated in and out, trying not to seem like I was hovering. I had several good conversations with differant people and actually had a good time talking.

Throughout the morning, she was very upbeat and happy. She even thanked me for my help. I dropped her off and said goodbye and told her to have a good day. She was all smiles. She is the type that if she is faking the smile it is obvious, this wasn't fake.

Smiing and waving....with a quizical look on my face.

[SuperDad]

MC,
You are doing great!!! Just keep lovingly detaching. She obviously is seeing the changes in you. Let her keep pursuing you, if she needs space, give it to her and spend time focussing on you and the kids. You can always work on your smiling and waving if you get bored!
SD

[mcojh]

Just noodling a little here. S6 just called MIL, to tell her about the fawn deer we saw today. It was about 12 hours old and could hardly walk.

Then she wanted to talk to me. I avoided all R talk. Then she brought it up. I made her cry when I told her that I didn't need my W to come back to me, if she chose to, I would consider it, but if she chose not to, I would be fine. I also told her if CW filed tomorrow, it wouldn't affect me near as much as I thought.

She offered to come over and clean my house for me if I needed, and I politely declined and said I had it covered. She also told me that my FIL told her that if CW continues with the OM, he will be re-writing his will and the FOM would never be welcome in his home. I asked if CW knew this and she said no. I ended the conversation, because it was getting to deep and I wanted to stay out of the drama.

Smiling and Waving. Don't always know why though.

[lovelyolive]

Yup.. The IL's can do whatever they want. You're smart to stay out of it and not egg them on. In my sitch, the ow parents said the same thing about my H. That he will never be welcome in their home and I don't blame them. Look at the devastation he is inflicting on their family!

It is confusing when you start to see these little positives. I don't think the confused look on your face is going to go away any time soon..

[mcojh]

I agree LO, I think I am seeing positives.

MIL told me that CW told her that she doing stuff with me for the kids, so we can continue to have a good relationship. WTH does that mean? Could she actually be that screwed up to do that? How does she think that is helping the kids? To think that what she is doing will help us to have a better relationship? Or is she lying to herself and her mom?

MIL again tried to talk counselling with her last week, and CW said she isn't ready for that.......?

[lostmybfriend]

mc your w sounds like my h. my h has already moved in w/ow and they are already talking about getting married.(and neither one of them are divorced yet--go figure)anyway, my h still tells me that he still considers me his best friend(at least when he is not mad at me. then it is i have so made the right choice, etc) but i think by getting along with us it is easier on them. how can they have done something so wrong and everyone still gets along. at least that is what i get from my h. but yes it is better for the children if the parents can get along.sometimes it is not possible and i just let my kids know everyday that they did not do anything wrong.