I don't expect it to be fixed now. I just want to see some effort now. Or even some concern. There's nothing but distance and bitchiness and covert text messages to each other.
Yes, I dressed nicer today than I normally do, mowed the lawn, cleaned the kitchen, and took the family out for a nice graduation dinner. All I got from my wife and D20 was a bunch of crap. Nothing, I mean NOTHING that I did was right. Nothing was good enough. It never is.
Honestly, this guy isn't even good-looking. I'd tell you if he was. The OTHER trainer, now that was the guy I was worried about -- 6'4", 220 lbs, good looking guy. This guys short, and not even a good-looking guy.
This is what she wants to screw up her family for???
In any case, hurt as it might, you won the round today. Busted nose, sweat and all, you still won.
Oh, and it is almost always the case that the other person's attributes are a step "down" from the spouse. It is part of the fantasy for your wife. It's part of what makes her feel better about her.
Think about it. If she had hooked up with Fabio, she would be uncertain as to her ability to hang on to him. As is, she is on top of the game - he is fighting for her.
Settle in for the long haul.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Choc wrote: "Is everything about this going to be counterintuitive???"
Mostly.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Anytime your actions create a flurry of activity between the infidels, that would indicate that the wayward pair are expending considerable energy to recover their balance (damage control). Then you have done well.
If you think that you are going to break up their relationship in one fell swoop, then you need to regroup.
Try to take some encouragement out of this. When is the last time you really got to strut your stuff? Even if you lose, you win. There is always high demand for real men that can be faithful and strong.
The real battle comes down to this. Since you are already showing MrsChoc that you are ready, willing and able to take back your role as husband and leader of the family, the duration of the remaining fight will depend on the other man's determination. I am trusting that yours is greater than his.
He simply can't compete on the familial front, so you have already won that battle.
Remember, there is no magic, only hard work.
Keep your jacket on. -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Hmmm....you need to dial down the expectations! This is a long, long campaign. You didn't get into this situation over night and one confrontational visit isn't going to change it back right away.
Be consequent! You have to show that OVER TIME you are going to do what you said you were, protect your family. Mix it up on the visits to the gym. Be not so predictable ("I'm just trying to get some work outs in but my schedules been a little messed up lately."). Different times and different days.
Remember, it's not the OM that you need to focus on. It's the relationship with your wife. You need to BE the better choice through your actions and entice your wife back to you. While you're doing this you'll start to notice that special gleam in other women's eyes. That means you're doing it right! Just don't get onto that false path of self indulgence because some pretty woman sees you for what you are before you wife does. People will see you for what you are as you go along and you need to guard your heart because it will be easy to succumb to a pretty face who is attracted to you as you do the right things. After all, there are so many women out there looking for a GOOD man that your wife will really, really regret losing you if it comes to that. You will have absolutely no problem attracting a new woman through your new knowledge!
You did well and just need to keep it up and keep your taker under control. Plan a date with the wife, no R talk, just fun. Do something neither of you have done before to create new memories, new connections that don't have anything to do with your past. You da Man!
Choc., who supposedly "won the round," but sure feels like cracked ribs to me.
Choc, I see a big pile of disconnects between you and your W, I will call the gravel pile.
The pile got to its present size, a scoop at a time. You have a shovel and can't get rid of the pile in a few days. No prince kissing the princess and she wakes up. That type of story just sells books.
I will go along with NOP, you did well showing up, shoveling your stuff. In situations like yours showing up, starting to shovel down the pile is a victory. Just showing up is a victory step, some people would avoid. It’s a victory when you can keep yourself together on the outside when confronting Your W’s A and look like you are in control on the outside, then do your other dad things.
You say it feels like you have cracked ribs from the last round. Maybe a better thing to think is, you can start to feel a few blisters on your hands from the shoveling work you did yesterday. Blistered hands can turn to calloused hands, when the area is worked for a while. Use all the aids available to mend and heal the blisters you feel you might have or might acquire.
I was wondering if the OM has a W or kids. If so, is his M screwed up and your W and the OM are finding comfort in each other?
Sometimes people want to blame all on the OM. Reality can be your W started out helping him and had no intentions of it going this far, or there could be other reasons for the A.
Not important, so don’t think about the reasons. You have enough work ahead of you. I have a list of smart azz remarks about the OM but I will keep them to myself for now.
I read On TheBeach’s post Remember, it's not the OM that you need to focus on. It's the relationship with your wife. and thought yes, she could end her involvement with the OM any time and go no contact with him.
(((((Choc.))))) man-o-steel.
Lou
PS Geez, women that want/like to be chased, don't like to be caught, then have A's of some type. Choc, I am taking this all in and decided to chase and catch BB and do some boinking just because it needed to be done.
