I'm sure you are right, I have been criticized up one side and down the other (I know you're talking about me criticizing!), and she says she doesn't respect me (never did, she says) and she assumes everything I say is an attack (which makes her defensive). But I have some other issues I'm dealing with, namely paranoia, alcoholism, her family history of severe mental illness (her mother was in the funny farm most of last year) and a general lack of her ability to think really about anyone but herself. A month ago, the night before the first time I was to have major surgery, she decided she was going to shove some CS issues up my you-know-what. Compassion is not her stong suit.
That said, I had (have) plenty of issues. I push to get my way too much, I lean toward a behavioralist point of view (it's what you do that matters, not how you feel about it). If you can't "prove" that it's the way to do something, I most likely will oppose it. I didn't pick up on some non-subtle cues that she was not happy. I refused to believe that she would pull the rip cord on our M, and didn't address some significant issues between us. I need to learn to let her win, even if her solution appears ridiculous to me (I need to decide if I want to be right or be married). That said, when she finally got through to me that it really was serious, she refused to lift a finger to attempt to work on it. I did everything she asked (got a C, did a million honey-do items that I'd let slide, improved my performance at work, etc) and she just hung me out to dry with the improvements on her side - meaning, she didn't do any.
So, I will pick up those books becasue they sound interesting, but it will be for helping with my next M, this one is finished.
built4speed My Saga "How others deal with the gifts you've given is not your decision, but theirs." - Richard Bach
