Still working on happiness

[HalfMissing]

Why do you think you will ever stop loving H? I know I will never stop my loving my H. For many of us, once you love someone you will always love them. I still love many of the men I dated so long ago. This is not a weakness, it is a gift. You can look back on things about each person and smile. Focus on the happy years. You can love a man but it doesn't mean you need to be married to him.

I have so much loneliness for marital companionship. I keep thinking "What is do different about my life now that makes me so miserable?" and I keep coming back to this. It was so wonderful to have that best friend to talk to and snuggle with. Maybe I will have it again in a few years, but I miss it so much now. Honestly, I didn't have that closeness with H for at least 6 months before he left and I thought it was a phase caused by his depression so I lived with it. It was terrible having to ask for a kiss goodnight or to be held. I have to believe that I will have affection again someday from some man.