I am not sure what to say about being less available vs being available...I would say maybe a little of both...you see my H moved away to get away from everything so I didn't ever have to deal much with trying to "not be available" to him...when he did return so much time had passed that I felt I needed to be around him as much as he felt comfortable because he needed to see the new person I was now...
Before I usually centered my fun stuff around him...we were a "couple"...now I learned that I can have my own life and friends...my own interests...I don't need to go out to dinner with him all the time...basically I have GAL...I am even planning a vacation with my daughter, her friend, and another mutual friend to Greece!!!...H has no desire to go but I do so I will go and have a great time...before I would have denied myself the pleasure of such a trip...but now if I want to do it and I can...I WILL
create some mystery...maybe see if he can "babysit" while you go out with your friends to a movie or dinner...or...take your son for a little get-away to "I haven't decided yet. I will see where the road takes me. I just need some "me" time."...Tell him you'll check in with him but then maybe miss a night because your "too tired" "too busy" "forgot"...
I would also make sure that he knows he is welcome...so when you are together just keep doing what your doing...
I remember when my H left I was trying to find a time line...how long would I have to endure this...after almost a year I was really losing hope because I couldn't find anyone who had survived that long apart and then successfully reunited...so that is why I feel it is important to share my story...because I am sure there are many more out there that will take longer...every relationship is different and every person is different making for a multitude of variations in time...so keep being patient...things happened fast when they started to happen because of our circumstances at the time (with a little prodding from me because he was allowing it)...but I can honestly say that had he not moved back when he did that we might still be apart...but...I believe that even if we were that there would still be a future for us...eventually...and I think H may have known this all along because there were times right after he left before he moved away that he said "well maybe in 10 years we can try this again" "if I don't come back in 5 years you can maybe start thinking I won't" "we can always remarry if we divorce"...of course all that ended when he moved away...then he had a more permanent sound to him..."I can't ever live with you again" "I will never move down there again" "I like living up here so much better I have decided this is where I will stay"...but things do change...circumstances change...just keep your eyes open for the opportunity to really shine...
