Well my H left me after we were at my niece's wedding...so hard to forget the date as we have a million glasses with the date engraved on it!!!
He came back on a not so memorable date...because it was more in and out then truly back for a time (no OW or I wouldn't have allowed it, she had been gone a year)...
Now our divorce/reconciliation hearing is set for that same fateful date in Sept...I even mentioned that when the judge set the date as the first one she set was my son's b/d...so she changed it...and I laughed and said "well that was the date he left so maybe that would be a good date to decide about ending the D!"...she thought it was funny because every rescheduled date she was doing that day was falling on someone's b/d in the group...but she hit two dates that were memorable for me...funny thing is the WAS rarely even remembers the dates...or maybe it is just the WAH...but then men are notorious for date issues anyway aren't they???
Anyway...he is back in IC for his issues...I have a great full-time summer job with our city day camp program...I get to go on field trips everyday for 9 weeks, get my lunch, entrance to amusement parks, AND GET PAID FOR IT!!!!
Hopefully soon H will get a job that he feels comfortable with and will stay at...it is tough being the leader of the family when for so long I was the support part of the team...I am ready to hand over the reigns and have him lead again...
Um, don't think I'm off my rocker here y'all, but my body's not cooperating with me. SO, since it won't listen to what I'm TELLING it, I'm going to write it a letter.
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Dear Body,
I am sorry you are feeling anxious and not letting me sleep right now, that all of your alarm bells are going off screaming, "The sky is falling!" I appreciate all that you do for me every day, and I even appreciate the alarm bells when it's truly required.
However, if you will please trust me and our friend the eyes, the sky is NOT falling. Just because you are leaving on your trip with your students tomorrow DOES NOT mean that on Thursday when you get back, H is going to tell you that we "have to talk" and the whole crappy mess start over again. That was LAST year, sort of like reruns. Fortunately, body, we purchased 100% new episodes for this season, so there's no repeat on this week.
Now, let me go to sleep. I have 29 8th graders who are going to be HYPED up showing up early, early tomorrow morning. If we are not rested, we are going to be cranky and snappy with them. And this is not their fault at all.
It's okay, really. And even if it did happen all over again, you can handle it. Know why? You rock. Anyone who doesn't see that doesn't deserve you.
Nighty night!
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
Hey there, SD. I'm gonna ramble a little bit, bear with me.
I have a friend at work who is very into following horoscopes. He's always trying to get me to look at mine and convince me how it applies to my life. And you know what? I JUST HATE THAT.
Here's why. Horoscopes presume that what a person does, or what happens to them, is controlled by something totally random and arbitrary - the day of the year when they were born.
What's worse, my friend will make judgments on people based on their "signs". As in, Oh, sure, she's stubborn - she's a Taurus. To me, this is just a new and different flavor of stereotyping. No better than Oh, sure, she's stupid - she's blond or Oh, sure, he's lazy - he's colored.
Bullsh!t, bullsh!t, bullsh!t!!! It's so much "easier" to believe that who we are, and what we do, and even what happens to us, is the result of things outside of our own control. The phase of the moon, the month of our birth, our hair color, our skin color, or religion.... That's all so much simpler than taking the responsibility for learning about a person, seeing what really motivates them and what makes them unique.
OK, so that's one of my personal soapboxes. I'll climb back down now.
Do you see why I shared this? Because you're being tempted with a similar form of pre-judgment. You're letting your middle-of-the-night self fall for the idea that this anniversary means the same cr@p will happen as last year. And you are conveniently ignoring the fact that your H is NOT the same person he was then. He may not be 100% perfect yet (who is?) but he is also not the same messed-up letter-writing schmuck you told me about way back then.
More importantly, YOU are not the same person you were a year ago. Not by the wildest stretch of the imagination!
The stuff you went through a year ago was the result of who you both were. Those people are GONE, hon. And the bomb and the bad times from a year ago is gone with them.
As I have thought about it some more as I was typing this, I had a little revelation. I have decided that I am not going to dread my bomb anniversary anymore. Instead, I am going to CELEBRATE it! I am a better person, in a better relationship, as a result of that day. Sure, there have been some really lousy experiences during the past year, but there have also been some really fantastic ones - ones that I never would have had without the bomb. I'm a better, happier person today because of that day last summer - and that's the only thing that matters.
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
Crazy as it sounds I too went thru those feelings. I dunno if they remember , and I really have not wanted to ask.." DO YOU REMEBER THIS TIME LAST YEAR WHEN YOU LOST YOUR MIND AND MADE ME FEEL LIKE &^%$# AND SO ON AND SO ON.I hope this time next year I am not so focused on it either. It sure may seem ridiculous but I must say it must be a part of some sort of process. I was feeling pretty dumb about feeling like this til I read your post.. so THANK YOU FOR BEING SO HONEST. REALLY!
I imagine that for them it is long forgotten but for us the former LBS it stings a little more when that "ANNIVERSARY" date rolls around. I was feeling so nervous about the days too and then my H reassured me by seeming to be so much more in love with me and so much more sincere lately.
I loved your note to yourself...
Like someone here once told me .... YOU'VE COME A LONG WAY BABY Focus on the positive ,, and remember how blessed we really are to have all that we have, God bless...
I fantasize about leaving. Crazy? I feel unappreciated. Settled for. I know I'm not hard up. It's difficult sometimes....
The trip was awesome. I love my job, and I love my friends. Not so sure I want to be in this married life right now. I want to be loved and adored. I don't feel that way.
Tomorrow may bring something different, but that's how I feel RIGHT NOW.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
Normal feelings. How you have grown and you look around and what do you see?
Give him time to grow too. Give him the water and the food and the right light. Poke at the soil. That is all you can do. Just like plants, we cannot make them grow - only provide the conditions for growth. Don't compare to healthy plants just yet but you should see progress.
Is there progress or is the "one year mark" obscuring your view? If progress is lacking, what can you change (move the plant to a different window perhaps?)....
Crazy as it sounds I too went thru those feelings. I dunno if they remember , and I really have not wanted to ask.." DO YOU REMEBER THIS TIME LAST YEAR WHEN YOU LOST YOUR MIND AND MADE ME FEEL LIKE &^%$# AND SO ON AND SO ON.I hope this time next year I am not so focused on it either. It sure may seem ridiculous but I must say it must be a part of some sort of process. I was feeling pretty dumb about feeling like this til I read your post.. so THANK YOU FOR BEING SO HONEST. REALLY!