I_Still_Love_Him hit it on the money...we've all seen it and I may have pointed it out to you months ago. So there could be a few thins going on with this.
You are really not ready to let go of your marriage. You don't want to. But you wish you could and wish you wanted to let go. And I'm not talking about letting go in the way we all say you need to let go, but rather after all this and through and in your pain you still want to be married to the same person.
And so you've asked God (is that right) to help you change...your mind about what you want.
Maybe this is you or maybe it is God (and you) though. Just maybe, God is the one keeping you in it.
Mermaid has said that she's wanted to quit so many times, but God won't let her. She recognizes it as God.
You are lonely and this is feeding your depression. You are also feeding it with THOUGHTS. Thoughts of the OW and your MLCer.
Telling you to NOT think about that will just turn your mind to it. So what can we help you to think of instead. What can you fill your thoughts with...and sometiems the idea is to empty rather than fill your thoughts.
What have you done to GAL? Are you simply lonely, or is this about companionship (marital)? Would your loneliness be relieved through platonic friendships--got any girlfriends?
See, the solution for YOUR problems is not always divorce, separation, sitting down/quitting. Letting Go of expectation--YES...while holding Hope. you have attached the two things together--it's okay, most do that. The only divorce I want to see around here is that of Hope from Expectation.
Any ideas on how to do that? I'm fresh out, but input would be great.
There are also GAL activities you can do alone, or those that are in groups, but you go alone--ex. aerobics class is a group but you can go alone.
Your MLCer may or may not return. He was doing well a few months bak. But maybe it scared him...so he went in search of something convenient (OW) again. Things were going well relationally and he wasn't fuly done yet. He felt guilty that everything seemed good and he should have felt great in it...yet he didn't. So he had to run.
The idea isn't to act like you are geting BACK together. The idea, if Standing, is toa ct married because you are married and you want to be married. And ther eis no going BACK...when together you will go FORWARD...as you are going now.
Standing is not STILL. But Be STILL.
How can you reconcile these? Standing still is a stubborness to not grow, not change, and not move forward within yourself and deal with your issues. Being still is a quiet within. Finding those issues that you are to deal with. LEtting the peace that already exists within to rise up. Quieting the mind from the drama that is going on externally--and internally.
Being still propels you to move forward--it is impossible to Be and Stand still simultaneously.
ASSIGNMENT So what can you do for yourself? and What can you do that is GAL? Please make and post a list of ideas so we can see. Make a long enough list so that you do something from EACH list (somethings can be on both lists) either daily a few times weekly.
