HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[forward]

Lisa,
I am so sorry--I know how painful it is. I got similar spew aftter birth of baby. I think Hs can't handle your vulnerability. Possible that that is the only way he can express himself.

For me, DB coach advised firming up boundaries while softening tone.

When he speaks to you like that, you have options.

-First, don't react emotionally. I know it's hard w/hormones raging as they will for a while.

-Hang up.

-Tell him to leave. Say calmly: I do not want to be spoken to in that matter and I want you to leave. If you do not leave, I will leave. Then follow through.

-Do something surprising. My H came to the house unannounced whenever he felt like it. I told him I wanted him to come to front door and knock. I also asked him not to come at 10:00 at night.

Big MLC "I will come when I feel it." (think, toddler stomping feet) So the next time he barged in at 10:00, I came to the door naked. H did not react outwardly but is rather shy and it embarrassed him, I think. Then I followed him around the house which I think made him even MORE uncomfortable.

We no longer have a problem w/H coming to house unannounced at 10:00.

In fact, H is more respectful overall. I am still working on certain things, but it is much better than before. He actually APOLOGIZED for a nasty spew. More than once, even.

Try setting boundaries as a goal. For baby steps of progress, look at getting more respect.