Ya know I couldn't help but think of you when I posted something to Blackfoot earlier today. The post was about a comment I made about women should always listen to their gut instinct...well it kind of sat on BF's mind, so I felt I needed to clarify what I meant.
Women are HORRIBLE about listening to our gut instincts (can't speak for men on this). I've only in the last few years learned to hear my gut instinct speaking, and listen to it. In my past I've made the horrible mistakes of not listening to it.
The 1st time was with my 1st H (who BTW does not deserve the title "husband"). I ignored my gut that was screaming "GET OUT, SAVE YOURSELF, YOUR GOING TO END UP DEAD!!!" and instead let my pride and guilt talk me into staying in a dangerous and destructive situation just so my parents wouldn't have to see what I got myself into, I let me guilt convince me I deserved what I was getting...and squealched my gut instinct to save myself.
Fast forward a few years down the line....I was married to my 2nd H, who truly was/is a good guy...but he was an alcoholic. Well this time, when he was trying to straighten himself up and save our marriage I let my pride/anger/restment/and hurt feelings give me the excuse I was looking for to leave...they told me "HOW MUCH MORE OF THIS ARE YOU GOING TO TAKE?! YOU MUST BE SOME KIND OF AN IDIOT IF YOU STAY IN THIS SITUATION! YOU'VE GIVEN HIM ENOUGH CHANCES AND HE CHOOSES BOOZE OVER YOU EVERY TIME!" When inside my gut was actually quietly telling me...."stick this out, he's really trying...he's going to make it this time." I didn't listen to my gut that time...and well, a few years later I regretted that, because by the time I stopped being angry...he'd given up on waiting for me and moved on.
Fast forward to last year. I'm now married to my 3rd, current, and hopefully last H. I'd been dealing with an SSM from the start (at that time 3 years) and found out he'd been cheating on me online. Needless to say I was absolutely devastated, and many people, including many of my friends here...were encouraging me to kick him out...who could blame them? Honestly, my pride/anger/and hurt feelings were screaming to kick him to the curb too! This time though I took the time to really listen to ME, to what my gut instinct was telling me. This time my gut said "give him one more chance, don't give up on him now." Tough as it was, I didn't give up...we made it through that devastating time...and we're better now for it.
I've taken a long route to tell you....I think your W is battling with herself right now. I think her gut is telling her to give you another chance, but her pride/anger/resentment/and hurt feelings are telling her "YOU'D BE AN IDIOT TO GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE".
Don't give up on her, don't give up on your marriage...keep fighting. What does your gut tell you to do? Not your hurt pride, not the confusion from her actions, not your frustration....but your gut. What's it telling you?
