I'm feeling very ADD today. Too much coffee I guess.
Do you ever get in a funk? I get in a funk too often I think. This is something I would like to change in myself. I actually am taking Zoloft at my H's urging. (He is on it too.)
When I'm getting grouchy lately, he'll actually say, "Have you taken your medicine today?" Oh, yeah, that helps a LOT. lol! Sort of a slightly nicer version of "are you pms'ing?"
So, I called him today and had a quick question about our mouse. It was not working at all. (We bought a new cordless one the night of the blow-up because he ripped it out of the wall when I tried to reply in an email to OW.) When I asked him what was wrong, he said change the batteries, etc. He said, "Why are you mad at me? How is it my fault the mouse is not working?" I said, obviously it wasn't. There was one battery sitting right next to it and I simply wondered, "Had he tried to fix it already?" etc.
Anyhow, I was getting interrupted constantly by my daughter when on the phone, etc. I mean, yeah, we try to teach her manners, but I'm on the phone a lot from time to time and don't always announce, "quiet, mommy's making a phone call," when it's just a quick call to Joey.
ANYHOW, he was very curt towards me because he said I was being angry over nothing.
I'm sharing this email I sent him in response knowing full well it will look like I'm not really following advice I've been given. I'm trying. I guess I feel like I am not completely dealing with a WAS so we are kind of working on ourselves and trying in a daily way to identify the triggers that are hanging us up. In other words, I don't think the most productive thing is to shut up and act sweet if I notice a negative dynamic that's going on between us. Like I said, too much coffee today. I'm rambling. Here is my email to him:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ About our call... I did not realize that I was being angry. When you pointed it out, I could see it, but it was absolutely no reflection on you. I was not saying it was your fault the mouse was not working. (obviously) I apologize for being angry. You are my husband and best friend. A kind, gentle uplifting word may have been very comforting to me then. I'm not even necessarily *asking* for that. I'm just telling you that I probably could have used that then and as much as you can, please realize that I don't like feeling the way I feel sometimes. It makes me feel like less of a person - flawed. *You* have a lot of power to just help me up out of the mud at times like that. Again, I apologize for being that way. I don't like it, but I can't always seem to help it. I am trying.
Hope this makes sense. I'm not saying I expect anything of you. I'm just reflecting on our conversation.
love, R. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He replied simply "I love you." which I thought was nice. I called him later trying to line up summer day camps for our daughter and he started sharing all these other scheduling things coming up. The day we return from Vegas he has an 8 day biz trip. I said, "I thought you weren't traveling for a while." He said I haven't traveled in a while." So anyhow, when I started to get stressed out, he said in a soft voice, it's ok. That helped. I know he was purposefully doing that and I appreciate it. I will tell him tonight that it means a lot when he goes out of his way for me.
I have a feeling I'm coming across as VERY NEEDY, but I guess that's how I feel sometimes.
In reading Choc's posts and the discussion of "putting a woman on a pedestal", I found that interesting because that is the phrase H always uses to refer to how things were before I dumped him. I know I was thriving on outside attention at the time, but I don't know what that means about me or our R at the time.
Ok, both kids are finally napping. Better go take a shower while I can. I am going to a Moms Night Out tonight with a local group. A wine and cheese party at a girl's house. Hope to have fun. Calgon, take me away!
PS Are there any other stay-at-home moms out there?
Sort of a slightly nicer version of "are you pms'ing?"
I said, "I thought you weren't traveling for a while." He said I haven't traveled in a while." So anyhow, when I started to get stressed out, he said in a soft voice, it's ok. That helped. I know he was purposefully doing that and I appreciate it. I will tell him tonight that it means a lot when he goes out of his way for me.
