There's this voice in the back of my head that keeps saying "You fool! YOU are the one who's been sex- and affection-starved for most of your marriage, NOW she's cheating on you, and YOU want to SAVE THE MARRIAGE??? What a joke!"
I don't post much around here this year, choc, but I've followed you for some time. This that you have said is basically what I hung my hat on after my H's A for MONTHS. Emotions and entitlement, after such an ironic rejection (i.e. YOU had an A? It should have been ME, since I always wanted to ML and you never did, etc)
My H left his A in January 2006 and never looked back (amazing in retrospect, and OW lives across the country thank God), but I gnawed on the above bone OVER and OVER and OVER, internally and out loud. To the detriment of the reparation of my M. We are still together, but there has been MUCH preventable damage post-A because of my EMOTIONS running my actions.
I post to encourage you to hold on to what you KNOW, not what you FEEL (damned near impossible, I understand). You are getting such fabulous advice, and I am so SO SO impressed that you 'got it' and put feet to your fears and ACTED. and acted WELL.
Do your damnedest to hit "Pause" when emotions of "Fcuk THIS" threaten to derail you. It's very hard to get Big Picture perspective at this stage of the game, but you are miles in front of where I was at this point so I have great faith in your ability to handle it IF you keep looking outside of your raging emotions.
I also completely get the feeling of being given a gift from God and not protecting and appreciating it. SO get that. Just don't dwell on that (as LFL advised) and put yourself in the guilt, pussyfooting hole with it. Acknowledge and move on from here. I am a wallower, so I know of which I speak.
Didn't mean to ramble, just want to encourage you from my corner as well.
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
