Good stuff -- thanks. I'll profess, I'm not too much of a "FOO" guy, unless it comes with a nice side of good pork fried rice, but here's the tidbit I learned last night:
There is a 3rd influence at work here, beyond my sister-in-law's death to cancer at age 50 and our daughters moving out of our home. My wife is watching her parents, who live nearby and are now in their mid-80s (but healthy and active), constantly bicker at each other and fight, and she sees how sad it has made her father. (When I say "they bicker at each other," I mean "Her mom is horrible to her dad.") She loves her father very dearly, even tho he's horribly chauvinistic and doesn't recognize her accomplishments as he should (her favorite thing to bring up that her dad says: "Isn't Choc. doing a wonderful job with the kids?" She's like "Hello??? Who do you think stays HOME with them all day????!")
Anyway, she loves her parents, is a GREAT daughter and friend to them (she calls her mother EVERY SINGLE DAY), and they have been great to me as well. But she sees how her mom picks on her dad, and how her dad just takes it, and she's seen how unhappy it's made him. And I think sometimes she sees weakness in me, and wonders if she is going to be her mom, and me her dad, and maybe she could just do me a favor now and "let me go."
There -- how's THAT for FOO for ya??
Her parents -- and her whole family -- are NOTORIOUSLY non-physical-touch folks. Her dad gives her mom a kiss on the cheek sweetly when he leaves for work, when he comes home, and when they go to bed (we have vacationed together, sharing the same room, and have had a chance to see their bedtime rituals.). But otherwise, NO affection, no hand-holding, and certainly no PDAs.
This is what my wife grew up watching.
On top of all THAT, her mom is one of these old-school, Italian grandmothers, who tells you to "grin and bear it." Feeling down? "Clean your floors." Need to talk about what's bothering you? "Get over it and do your dishes." She is TOUGH TOUGH TOUGH, and although she has a tender side that she shows at times (esp. her grandkids), she RARELY, if ever, shows it to my father-in-law.
