Piecing, 2 steps forward, one back, or more?

[25yearsmlc]

Dealing with major anger, grief, etc.

feeling grief about some real things, e.g., my sister's h is going down the drain soon, as his brain tumor is just not going away. Insurance company denied the clinical trial so I dropped everything, "appealed" aggressively, and they reversed. Yeah, a small victory that ultimately will not likely make any difference....Ouch. Also, d18 leaving for college and uprooting d9 to live soooo far away and going from a family of five 2 years ago, to just me and d9, joining h up there...H also calls often but the kids do NOT want to talk to him. Not in a very angry way, but more like indifference and uninterest, an annoyance. D9 says "tell him I'm asleep" and the older ones answer his questions with one word answers. This actually does bother h, but as far as what he admits to me, it seems he acts as if it angers him and as if he does NOT see any connection, at least none that he admits to me...

I have been doing forgiveness exercises out loud as I realize that the Grand Finale of the past 2 years is ME moving there....and yet, I DO accept that I've made that choice so don't worry about the uncertainty part in me. It's the part of me that I've suppressed, the part that can't stand h for doing it all. ANd when he said the thing about "our plan" and having d18 first finish high school blah blah blah...all I could say is , "Don't Black out on me" etc. H has revised history so much that HE NOW believes his own cover story.
Gotta go do some more praying and releasing the anger to God.
j-