Choc, I know what you are feeling right now! Although you knew your marriage had troubles, your spouse actually having an EA/PA is more than your mind could comprehend. You were praying that your gut was wrong!
I had clues that my H was involved with someone else, but when confronted, he lied to my face for over a month. That has definately been the hardest part to realize that not only would your spouse cheat, but then lie repeatedly to you to cover it up. I couldn't eat or sleep for 2 months, but everyone is right you need to take care of yourself and be mentally and physically strong now- you can't fall apart!
Our MC has put it in perspective for me which has helped. When people choose to have an affair they are acting similar to an insecure adolescent. They truly don't think thru the consequences of destroying their marriage and family. Their short term satisfaction is driven by a false high that makes them oblivious to the real world. When they get caught it takes them awhile to comprehend the reality of the situation and they will lie repeatedly to deny the painful truth of what they have done. It is actually a defense mechanism that may seem totally out of character for them. We are left wondering what else they have been lying about, but the answer is probably just this pathetic situation.
I have also learned that when you push, belittle, attack them it gives them a reason to fight back and defend themselves, you sure don't want that! I have found after 3 months of this that when I backed off(nearly impossible to do)they seem to come to reality a bit. It is the hardest thing to do, but remember you are the bigger person here. Don't let her actions make you feel bad about yourself, this truly is not about you, it is about her and her dissatisfaction with herself.
