Your sitch sounds a lot like mine was. W was closed, her heart was at peace with her decision to D, she did'nt want to see any more C's. We went to three different C's, and each one pegged the problems pretty quick. Basically, my heart and mind were open to change, constructive counseling; but my W pretty much defended and argued and stood her ground. She's a fighter, will defend her positions even if they make no sense sometimes. Anyway, C was a very stressfull thing for her, right or wrong, that's just the way it was.
At first I judged her as being weak, hiding, not willing to see her own faults. But the more I let go, worked to love her unconditionally, the more I realized she's just not strong enough or able to take it. She had low self esteem from childhood and the C just drug her down even more. She would have let our M end before going to any more C. So I finally got smart, and stopped pushing, stopped judging, and started loving her like 1 Corinthians: 13. It made an immediate difference, but it took several years before her heart changed enough to give our M another shot.
Looking back, she has changed immensely. Overtime she's been more able to follow her C's suggestions. It just took her a long time to process the information. Some things suggested, like "just do it", have'nt worked out like the books say, other things have. We've been living together about 16 months now, that after 4 years of separation.
When I pressured my W to change, to go to C, etc. she just moved further and further away from me. Personally, I could never counsel my W. Anything coming out of my mouth that even remotely resembles counseling is rejected for rejections sake. There have been exceptions though. After time we built a tremendous freindship and she does ask my opinion on personal matters sometimes. But I only offer counseling when I'm invited to.
Hope this helps.
God Bless,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
