An interesting comparison. A little while ago you were saying "I hope she has an A so that it gives me moral high ground." Now you are saying you want to kill the man who is having an A with your W.
Somewhere in-between those two is the right path. The first was fueled by self-pity, the second by rage. I think the best thing you can do is try to focus on thinking logically. Your feelings are going to be all over the place for awhile. Your feelings can guide you, but don't let them lead you.
I don't know if this will be comforting or not, but I'll say it anyway. I don't know your W well, but it sounds like her A is of the same general type as mine, the kind that Harley talks a lot about, where it just sort of "happens." If so, know that this type of A is dominated by depression and confusion, not maliciousness or hatred. I don't think in her heart she wants to hurt you, she is just really confused and neck deep in rationalizations. That is not to say she isn't doing something wrong, she absolutely is.
The bad thing about this kind of A, is the other kind (malicious) is easier to resolve. Her partially self-imposed confusion is going to be hard to wade out of.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
