Think first..give your S the benefit of doubt

[peaceful_spirit]

Cat,
Time for me to give you my wise words of advice. A few key things I've learned throughout my journey with H.

First, as uncomfortable as fights are, they are necessary. Things come out, which at the end of the day is a good thing. Fighting is part of Rs in general and people can't always keep their anger bottled up inside. Don't beat yourself up over the fight. My H and I ahve had a few since he's been back, and it usually brings something else out that we realize we need to work on.

Think of it this way, if it wasn't for the fight, you wouldn't be taking the step of going back to C.

Not sure about your whole history on the sex topic, but here's my big learning. H finally realized a few months ago, with his C, how important sex was to him. He approached me with this realization and said that he felt that I always try to avoid sex, and he just gives up and stops asking. Then he's in a bad mood and thinks about beign elsewhere.

I explained to him that for women, sex is about intimacy and communication and affection. So, waht I did was I started it. I started initiating. I would send him sexy text messages. As a result, he got more affectionate and loving. And that, in turn, would make me feel more in the mood for sex.

But there are times that I literally need to foroce myself into it, knowing that it really does make a different with him.

So, that aspect has improved dramatically, but it took a consious effort on my part.

Men need sex to feel loving. Women need to feel loving to want sex. It's a catch 22.