Sounds like your taker is taking control. There will be time for that AFTER you have worked for awhile. Right now you're re-anchoring your marriage and need to "date" the person again. Yes, the lying is bad but it's also a defense mechanism. This is something that can be worked on during MC. She's trying not to hurt you and also hide her guilty behaviour. Get her into MC and work on honesty, being open, and work through the MC to build trust.
You are the man, you get to take the big hits for awhile. You've just taken the first real steps in awhile and it's going to be harder than before for quite a while. Are you up for the challenge?
