Hapinees, is it even possible part II

[Bear]

Cemar,
Lots to say but not enough time. However I will say this...

16) See yourself as his LOVER, not his wife, and not a mother.
17) Put HIM at the center of your life, not the kids, not the job, not ANYTHING else.


...this does not seem sustainable 24/7. I think you can have periods of this but not all the time. It also diminishes every other thing in your W's life because she IS a wife and mother. Why did you marry and have kids with her if you don't want her to be a wife and mother??

I just got sad when I read this because you are missing out on so much by not appreciating your W as a WHOLE person. It kind of seems like you are looking for the porn star fantasy woman. Much like many women are looking for the knight in shining armor.

Can you imagine your W coming to you with a "look how cute the kids were when they did..." story and your response was "Whatever, why don't you just fcuk me like I want you to." If you really are giving off this vibe at home, I can only imagine the resentment that your W has after so many years of feeling like she is never enough for you.

Quick story...on my honeymoon with XH, we had rented a house in the islands with a pool in the living room. I had been saying for months that I can't wait to get there and jump in that pool after all the hub-bub of the wedding and travelling to get there. So, we get there and while he is in the bathroom, I strip naked and jump into the pool. XH comes out of the bathroom and I invite him to join me but he was actually pissed off that I had gone in without him. Here I was skinny dipping asking H to join me and he was pissed off! WTF??? He was very HD and I was too at that point but his issue was that he had to control everything. It didn't happen exactly how he wanted it to, even though he hadn't communicated his wishes to me, so he thought it was nothing. What I'm saying is, if your W is willing, maybe you can see that in a positive way and start connecting from there and work on the desire part as she begins to feel closer to you.

Gotta get to work!

Bear