Good question, what is desire? When I talk about desire, I am talking about physical horniness. People talk about desire in other ways, but I consider that LOVE in other ways. Love is nice, but it is NOT a substitute for desire. A true passionate marriage requires BOTH.
Here is my list of what desire can be:
1) Want your man, no reason needed. 2) Be horny. 3) Like to LOOK at your mans body and have it turn you on. 4) Like to TOUCH your mans body because YOU want to touch it. 5) Like to be naked WITH him. 6) Want him to shower with you. 7) Love your OWN body and see yourself as a sexual Goddess. 8) Love to be SEXY and SEXUAL. 9) Want to kiss and french kiss every day. 10) Flirt with your husband. 11) Be sexually adventurous with him. 12) Initiate sex. 13) When having sex, make sure it is obvious that YOU want him for sex. 14) Cuddle with him. 15) Tease him physically. 16) See yourself as his LOVER, not his wife, and not a mother. 17) Put HIM at the center of your life, not the kids, not the job, not ANYTHING else. 18) LOve every square inch of his body. 19) BJ's. 20) Want him to be romantic. 21) Initiate sex with him often.
And the most important part, make sure it is OBVIOUS to him that you do these things NOT FOR HIM, but because you WANT to do it with him.
This is probably a hard list of things to do, but I have noticed that HD women seem to do most all of what is on this list. And they do so even though they DO have issues with their husbands.
I missed this post, cemar, and I want to applaud you for finally answering a question.
I'd also like to say that if I were a woman who was intrinsically LD, and my husband handed me above list, I would feel rather hopeless.
Because even if she stepped up to the plate and had hot monkey sex with you in every position imaginable, because she loved you and wanted to please you, it wouldn't be enough, because she wouldn't want it for herself.
I don't know what to tell you. I am in fact at loss for words. And that's rare.
SouthernGirl wrote:"I don't know what to tell you. I am in fact at loss for words. And that's rare."
No, no, no. I am at a loss for words. You actually got him to answer a question. I am speechless.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Ok CeMar...gonna point out lots of vagueness in your list.
1) Want your man, no reason needed. (ok this goes to desire what do YOU mean by "want"? "Want" is a vague term.) 2) Be horny. (This varies from person to person, what I consider to be feeling horny someone else may think is nothing but a passing urge. Horny is another vague term, just like "desire" or "want") 3) Like to LOOK at your mans body and have it turn you on. 4) Like to TOUCH your mans body because YOU want to touch it. 5) Like to be naked WITH him. 6) Want him to shower with you. 7) Love your OWN body and see yourself as a sexual Goddess. 8) Love to be SEXY and SEXUAL. 9) Want to kiss and french kiss every day. 10) Flirt with your husband. (flirt how? What do you mean by flirting...specifically?) 11) Be sexually adventurous with him. (Ok here we go again, what do you consider adventurous? To some adventurous is doing it with the lights on, to others...it's sex in public.) 12) Initiate sex. (How? Simply ask for it? By doing something physical? All of the above?) 13) When having sex, make sure it is obvious that YOU want him for sex. Ok...what do YOU consider to be obvious? She might think she's doing something that's obvious but you miss it. 14) Cuddle with him. 15) Tease him physically. 16) See yourself as his LOVER, not his wife, and not a mother. 17) Put HIM at the center of your life, not the kids, not the job, not ANYTHING else. 18) LOve every square inch of his body. 19) BJ's. 20) Want him to be romantic. 21) Initiate sex with him often.
You have several things on your list that are nothing more than vague CeMar...you need to get specific. If your W is truly LD (for whatever reason at this point) this list will seem completely undoable to her, unrealistic...or just flat-out overwhelming. I'm not saying you are unrealistic for wanting these things, but I would suggest you pick your top three things from this list and get specific about them....then COMMUNICATE them to your wife.
SouthernGirl wrote:"I don't know what to tell you. I am in fact at loss for words. And that's rare."
No, no, no. I am at a loss for words. You actually got him to answer a question. I am speechless.
-NOPkins-
Yeah, but I feel like a cheat. I told him he'd have to answer questions in order for us to help him, and now I literally have nothing even remotely helpful to say.
It further depresses me to have read a thread in the potential WA forum that addressed this very issue. Man has a wife who is willing to have sex often and cheerfully, because she loves him, but has no desire for herself. He is thinking about leaving an otherwise excellent marriage, including his kids, to finally be "desired".
I can't even codemn it. I really don't know what to say.
He is thinking about leaving an otherwise excellent marriage, including his kids, to finally be "desired".
How can you have an excellant marriage without feeling desired by your spouse? Why should HE be satisfied with his marriage when he nevers wins her desire? What exactly would be the purpose of that marriage?
