I was expecting this as well. Sorry big guy. Sigh.
This is nearly word for word what x-OM IMs were in one exchange. He said to the effect of, "you need to tell him. It's been long enough." And her response was that she didn't want to hurt me and that I would be left out in the cold.
Yes, hurts like hell to think someone is lying to your face but she is like thousands and thousands of women/men who decide to engage in affairs. They are not themselves. They are enslaved by attraction, fun, mystery, and, frankly, danger (being caught sneaking around etc).
She is only human. She has a high high need for someone to validate her and you have stewed and said things to us like you didn't care what she did with whom as long as she calls you.
This is what made me so mad in your Alpha thread asking how to verbally respond to her staying out till 2 and is what dragged me out of my SSM hibernation to try and get you to be more proactive; since NOP and I could see she was highly vulnerable to an A a few months ago.
Lecture over. Now let's get to work. NOPkins has as good as advice as I have seen on this site. I have your back as well but I'm afraid I have too much going on IRL to give you the day to day help you may need.
That's why you're in the right place with so many of us who have gone through this kind of wringer. Sharpen your pencil. You are going to be a student of the anatomy of an A, regardless of its severity-- EA, PA whatever.
Trust me. If I knew this site before x's A I would have not felt as I had -- completely alone in the world and hurting like hell. And I F'd up my responses as well by being all over the map emotionally.
You can do this, Choc. I see a guy in this new thread that I have not recognized in all of your past threads. A strong man's man who is not willing to let your family go down without a hard fight.
More deep breaths. Detach from the outcome of what you fear might happen with your W's fog. Focus on the present. Today is no different than what was happening last week. It takes a long time to turn around an aircraft carrier that's been headed in the wrong direction for all this time.
Buck up, man o steel. You've got the upper hand already. X's guilty conscience is what made her end the A on her own and come back to me before I had enough evidence. And this despite my damndest best efforts to do all of the horribly wrong things to win her back.
of course I was still in the dark when OM called me, lashing out over being dumped, and opened the can of evidence worms a few weeks after she left him. Thanks, buddy. Made my life sooo much harder.)
All to say that you can deal with this, Choc. Don't suffer that your W willl be telling you lies. It's purely out of self-preservation instinct.
It actually shows that she still values your family in a very hard-for-you-to-see way. I've seen in her emails to you the evidence of this and IMO she has not lost her love for you. She is merely listening to what her feelings are telling her, which are about as much as an unreliable source as we humans can have, frankly. Fog-cutter time.
-Stigmata-
The difference between a warrior and an ordinary man is the warrior views everything as a challenge; the ordinary man views everything as either a blessing or a curse.
-Yaqui shaman Don Juan-
...and that holds 2x true for nice guy wussies, DJ
