trying to hold out

[Dr LOve]

My anniversary is coming up in July. I don’t feel right having family and friends giving cards to honor a marriage that may not last.
What is your feeling about telling W if she will not at least give me a commitment to work on our R I will be letting everyone know at prior to the date that we are at least getting separated if not D?

[lovelyolive]

Many people have told me this: When you are thinking of doing something - like your letter or demanding a committment or whatever, ask yourself if this is bringing you closer to your goal or further away. I'm thinking that it sounds like your W is not in a place to say that she will commit to the marriage.

Sooooooo, if you don't care if you drive your wife further away then, do what you are describing above. If you do care and your goal is to try to save your marriage, then keep that to yourself.

[Dr LOve]

lonelyolive


I know what you are saying. I’m torn apart between GAL and mending our M. It’s hard to GAL with out her involved. I care so much for her. About the letter. I am re writing it. I have written plenty of letters that never go anywhere. I am going to wait on this one and modify it somewhat. When I mentioned moving on I meant put this behind up. NOT that I wanted to move on and get a D. What I am trying to do is open a dialogue with my W. I know if I did this in person she seems to put up her force field. If she reads my thoughts before I talk to her she has time to digest it. To think about it. I was thinking about giving it to her the day before her next meeting with her C. That way she could maybe talk it over with her.

Thanks for knocking me down a notch I DO appreciate it

H.

[EmtnRllrCstr]

Husband, I agree with Olive. Learn from my mistakes do not make any demands, this always drove my W further away and back to the OM. Not that I have had much hope over the last five months but the two times that I thought we hit bottom and were actually going to start working on our M, I told her that she needed to quit her job, start MC, etc..... It did not work. I do not know the right thing to do in my sitch, but I do know what has not worked. BTW, I did do the letter thing when I asked my W to leave. She did not see it at first but she mentioned it to me a few days later - it did not work. It did not make her think "What I am doing is wrong". I actually think the letter had no effect what so ever on her.

-ERC

[Dr LOve]

EmtnRllrCstr ,mcojh, SuperDad, sol1696 and everyone else hat has help me. There has to be a fin line between detaching and abandon. I know the thought is for my W to see that I can have a life and to let her have a preview of life without me. But it is so hard to plan my life with thinking of her in it. Now I can and will live on If a D did happen but this detach thing is like going on a diet during thanksgiving. Ya see the food but you can’t have any.
I have been doing well. I am hopping to see a little progress this weekend. I don’t need to eat the whole turkey. Just a little gravy would be nice. I want / need to see some movement. I know have heard it takes time. And looking at other people’s sitch I can see clearly what I would do. But I can’t seem to follow my own advice. Maybe I need to start a new thread with a different name. I’ll write in it and then the next day come back and read it and e I can give myself advice LOL.
The hurt has subsided. I don’t (but am tempted) look at the phone log. In a way because she does not call him in front of me I now don’t know when and how long they were talking I don’t think of it as much.


Thank you everyone for putting up with me.

H

[Yoyowife]

Husband,
I too can relate to what you are saying, I give everyone else advice and then turn around and do what I tell everyone else not to do. Don't send the letter right now, maybe not at all. Just keep writing them to get your frustrations out and then destroy them. I wish I hadn't thought I was going to prove a point to my H when I told him about the OW's nephew talking too much. It definitely backfired on me. Believe me they don't need any help running to the OP, they already think they are perfect. They have to see things on their own, they won't believe anyone else. So all we can do is hope that the OP show their true colors soon. In the meantime we have to GAL!!!

[Dr LOve]

Why do I think I know what i'm going to do in my sitch. I have a plan.It sounds really good.and then the next day I change my mind.
How can I advance if I keep taking 2 steps back???????

[Dr LOve]

Well things were going great. I live where they filmed American Graffiti. Saturday we are having American Graffiti Night. Lots of old hot rods in town. I cleaned up my 68 mustang and was planning on taking it out with the W cruse a little stop and play some pool and just hang out and look at the cars. (Just like high school I had already called my ML to watch our son. Then the Sh*t hit the fan. A high school girl friend from out of town called and wants to “hang out” with the W. It’s weird but knows I some how feel my W will go out wit her and not want me around. I am going to ask to go though but I think I already know the answer.

Side note: My ML called to confirm that my son would be over tomorrow, I told her that I not sure It might be called off because of the phone call from the high school friend. My ML said: I hope not. You and ##### need to get out. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you” I told her thanks.

I don’t think my W said anything to any one in the family. But it seems somehow her Mom knows something is up. But she is “going to keep her fingers crossed” for ME.