tha nager is because he is hurting...he wants someone else to hurt instead, and maybe if he makes you hurt it will remove his.
It won't though.
So what do you say to him. Well you are not a bad wife or mother--so stop agreeing to his spews...valdating is not agreeing.
"I'm sorry you feel that way."
And the other thing it MIGHT be time for is putting his bayness back in his face. STRESS MIGHT
Wow, I'm so sorry that you are a victimof a bad wife. You have been wronged. I've wronged you. The world has wronged you. Nothing is your fault. Wow, that must be tough.
Of course that is sarcasm...and they hate it. It may not work...but even if it does work, it will often appear NOT to work initially. Oh Sweetheart hated it when I called him on his sh*t like that..."poor baby, are you going to run and cry to Mommy now?"
He reacted and got pissy...and then he got better. Maybe not during that 'discussion.' But the next day or so...once he had calmed.
One time he even told me to stop treating himlike a baby--I hadn't said the poor baby line even. I wasn't trying to intentionally in that instance. But I responded that maybe he needed to stop acting like a baby--or child.
Right then he stiopped, looked at me and said, "Good one." Translation, you're right and I should do that...I will try. Doesn't mean he'd succeed, or try for long, but it made him realize what he was doing.
And you know what...sorry, but just like we need to vent, so do they. Sometimes he needs to spew, and unfortunately the target is usually the LBS.
If you were crying during or ater when he called back he took it as a sign of weakness and MORE reason to continue his spew. It's not your fault--his mind is the mixed one...but he may have found any sign of weakness disgusting and he wanted to push his 'advantage' even more.
I know this is hard. Easy to say, hard to do. But here goes anyway: Be tough...strong. Demand respect--while also being soft and forgiving.
When you asked him to please not treat you liek a dog...that was begging...a sing of weakness.
Show respect for yourself by making statements instead of request. Do not treat me like a dog. or I am not...
And then hang up if he continues...it's a boundary and show you will not allow the crossing. You are very vulnerable right now having just given birth...and he's trying to use that to make you more upset and burn his bridges.
