My Marriage still feels hopeless

[EmtnRllrCstr]

Olive, I agree and I have been asking her about her day, her work, her family, our girls, etc.... She will start telling me about whatever small talk that I bring up then she notices that she is talking about more then the girls and shuts herself down towards me.

Yesterday while talking to the lawyer I thought to myself that is was nice having an adult conversation with someone...I just wish that someone was my W.

[mcojh]

ERC- I am with you there man. I hate the fact that I have no one to share my day with and yet my W can pick up the phone whenever she wants to call the FOM, and she has that person to connect with. Unfortunately, until she decides to connect with me, I cannot help it.

[Yoyowife]

ERC and MC,
I too agree with you both how difficult it is not to have someone to share your day with. We are so lonely, and we know they have the comfort of the OP. MC is so right that we can not make them connect. Last night I was skimming the book "Not Just Friends" by Glass. There was a section on narcissm. I believe it so describes my H. He believes nothing is his fault and shows no remorse for anything.

[lovelyolive]

I guess I'm lucky because I still have my H to share my day with. The weird thing is that I truly believe that he thinks that if we D that we can still be that much a part of each others lives... That we will still be close "friends". It doesn't work that way with me.

I think that there is an emptiness no matter where we are in our sitch's just based on the very fact that our S's are sharing of themselves with another person whether or not they are sharing with us, too.

Why do I feel like I'm not making sense again today? Sorry...

[nextsteps_4us]

I would agree with lonelyolive. My wife and I still joke, and talk about things on a near daily basis as she still lives in the house. However there is a distinct emptiness.

Its painful to skate around topics that include dreams and plans for the future. Even short term. Talking about concerts/restaurants/movies, etc that we once would have enjoyed together also is something we avoid consciously. Can't always talk about her day or night, as it could have included OM.

Knowing that someone else is getting to enjoy the gifts of my wifes time. And that she is sharing those dreams with someone else is painful.

Also my wife has made it clear that she is frustrated that we are not moving faster in our seperation. She wants to start living the fantasy she has in her head. 1 week ago she told me she hated me, and that she hated how "perfect" i am all the time now. She apologized, in her own twisted WAW way. Today she has called me 4 times on her way to the airport, joking and laughing about this and that.

I know she is in a fog, and I have chosen to love her unconditionally. So in my interactions, i try not to think about the hurt, and try not to expect any positive reaction back from her. I have seen a lot of positives, but in her mind Fantasy Life is her only option.

[EmtnRllrCstr]

Olive, you are making perfuct sense to me... I hate that my W does not want to... no refuses to share her life with me now. I guess that is one of the ways GAL helps us deal with this void.

I have to admit to you all I have been with my W since I was 19 and never dated much before her. My life was sports up to that point I had no time or real interest in dating. Until my W caught my attention. Now it scares the crap out of me thinking about entering the dating world. I was always reliefed and felt lucky that this was a world that I never really had to go into. Now I might be getting forced into it. Sorry about that this was on my mind and I only have you all to share that with...

Next,
I agree with you. All we can do is love our W's unconditionally and have no expectations of any sort from them. My W has not told me that she hates me, she says that she wants to but cannot. I do not know what that is supposed to mean, my guess at this point is that it is not positive. I sometimes think that it must be nice that our WAW's can live in a Fantasy world like they are, it helps numb them to the realities that they are going to have to face. I sometimes wish that I could be numb to all of this, but, on the other hand this sitch is really allowing me to grow and see who I really am as a person.

-ERC

[Dr LOve]

My W has not told me that she hates me,but she says that she does not love me anymore.

ERC

Is there some book out there that is titled " WAW what to say to your husbands? LOL

H

[mcojh]

There are books written by the Anti-Michelle W-D, that gives them a script I think. But then again I went out for happy hour and am half-snapped right now.

[EmtnRllrCstr]

I agree there is a freakin WAW manual out there.... There is some sort of conspiracy going on around it. That is why we cannot get our hands on it.

[RedHeadWife]

ERC, you have nothing to be ashamed of about not dating before W, etc. I think all of us are in the same boat as far as thinking about dating again or anything along those lines. When it comes to having to be independent and self-confident all of a sudden when our hearts are breaking, it's not so easy. The whole GAL thing definitely makes all sorts of sense, but it's not the easiest thing in the world.

I'm at the point right now where all I want is to be able to say "you cheated on me 3 times, F off" but I can't even seem to do that. Is it just because I'm scared to be by myself. Am I really doing it all for the right reasons or am I just a wimp all of a sudden? What happened to the feisty redhead I was before I met him & married him and actually told him when we were dating that he better not be f'ing w/ me and he sure knew he better not be.

Not making this all about me, but we all kind of feel the same way. It's scary and now we're in this position of having to make the right decision and for the right reasons.

In the long run, no matter what the end result is, I think we that are here and trying to do the right thing for the right reasons are going to be the winners. We have our priorities straight and know what's right. I like to think that God will work it all out for better or worse, huh?