Dec 2001 - Our second child is born (S4) and I have major PPD. I'm out of it for about a year, and when I come to, things are not good with H and me. H is very unsupportive during my depression, apparently not even noticing there was a problem, or pooh-poohing it.
Early 2004 - H continues to be withdrawn and emotionally distant. An issue in our whole marriage is that he does not open up, but it is becoming more so.
Spring 2004 - At my insistance, we go to MC 2 or 3 times. I say I don't think H loves me, but he insists that he does and he will change. C tells us that we need to talk about what's bothering us, which never happens. H seems to be drinking more.
Aug 2004 - H says he doesn't know if we should stay married; doesn't think he can change. I panic and become a Stepford Wife. H grows more distant and begins to drink more heavily, 2-3 drinks every night at home, and is out 3-4 times a week (same as after D9 was born).
December 04 - FIL finds out he needs a quad bypass ASAP. He has been in poor health for many years, but it has reached a peak. He is 74(?) at the time.
End Dec 04 - H goes out for his 39th b'day and gets arrested. He is not charge w/ anything, but drugs he had with him (news to me) are sent to a lab. H is freaking out and tells me the next morning. He doesn't get out of bed for a few days. Says he needs help for his drinking b/c it's out of control.
Jan 05 - A few days later, his father has open-heart surgery and has a stroke during surgery. There's a tense week, but he survives. FIL is in hospital for six months, during which time H drives his mother to and from the hospital 4 days a week (his sister does the other three days). We don't live near IL's so it takes a good 1.5 hours each time to do this. H is seldom home; when he's not driving his mum around, he is at work or out with friends (or ow, as I find out later).
May 05 - H is charged with drug possession. He again panics; if he gets a record, he will automatically lose his job and not be able to get another in his field.
June/July 05 - We go away overnight, and ML for the last time. It is not good - he is not "there" and all he has to say is, "I can feel your IUD."
July 05 - We go on a family vacation, and H is on his cell constantly. He comes back into town overnight to see a football game (and ow).
Aug 12/05 - I have been in therapy off and on (mostly on) since S was 8 months old. T tells me to find out what's going on w/ distant H; ask him if he's in this M or out of it. I do that, and H says he doesn't know. Next day, I tell him that if he doesn't know, it would be better if he moved out to think about it. He comes home and packs a bad. I am hysterical, and then he tells me he's in love w/ ow!!! He starts to cry, I go nuts, he goes out drinking. Next day (13th) he leaves and goes to stay with MF. I find out from H that ow is married, but supposedly waiting for him to say the word and she'll leave her H. I find DB a few days later.
Fall 05 - H seems overly happy, even manic. SIL tells me he's gone wacko and she and her parents are worried about him. He is drinking way too much, buying tons of new clothes. He is cold and superior when he picks kids up.
Oct 05 - I have a breakdown and end up taking a month off work. I go into an out-patient programme at a local hospital. H tells me he's attracted to me again (I'm dressing better, got a good haircut) and he can't stand the sight of ow anymore.
Early Dec 05 - H and I have a blow-out. I find out he's been out on a date w/ a woman whom SIL knows, who has two kids same ages as ours WITH THE SAME NAMES! And they are not particualarly common names. SIL says this woman is almost exatly like me!! I tell H he's not good enough to lick the sh*t off my shoes and I'm filing for D. His voice cracks and he says I'm right. I don't file, and he begins to act a lot nicer towards me.
Christmas 05 - H gets me a book. We don't spend the holiday together, but he calls Christmas day and I don't answer. He goes to LA to visit a friend (MF) for this 40th b-day.
May 06 - Another fight b/c S4 is "regressing," according to his daycare educator. I yell at H for f'ing my kids up, and again plan to file, but do not go through with it.
July 06 - H moves out of MF's place in 'burbs and gets an apt two blocks away from our house. He starts spending more time w/ us, although still not initiating contact. Says he's getting a 2-bedroom and cheaply furnishing it until things are "settled" between us. I take this to mean that he wants D, but apparently not.
Fall 06 - Things move forward ever-so-slowly. H seems to be coming out of his depression tunnel.
Oct 06 - I turn 40 and have a party. H comes and spends the evening with 25 of my friends and family. This seems to be a turning point, as he is a lot more comfortable with me now. Also, his first court appearance is over, and he's made a deal which will be finalized in March (no ciminal record).
Nov 06 - He invited his family to come to D's birthday party yesterday, which he hasn't done since he left. SIL came and gave me a huge hug; we haven't seen each other in more than a year, but she and ILs are totally behind me. H jokes around with me and his sis, but I'm really busy with the kids and other guests, so don't talk to him much.
He tells me that he cannot be in a committed, monogamous R; cannot be emotionally intimate. His voice breaks when he says this, and I feel relieved that this finally makes sense!
Dec 06 - Still friendly; he spends Christmas Day with us, but seems a bit uncomfortable.
Feb 07 - things still very nice; I am touching him more and he seems to like it. He is very chatty with me.
March 07 - I find out about the gf from the kids.
I know this probably isn't what you wanted to hear, Jazz, but there it is.
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
