OK Frank - Tell us a little more about #6. I believe at the beginning, we need to give WAS some space and then as you suggest, grow into the couselor role.
I am saying ONLY if she is a lost soul. There are several W's who are just constantly going back and forth, they can't stay, they can't leave, they gotta get a divorce, they are afraid to leave, they are mean...
My W was convinced she had to leave because she could never be a 'good wife' again. So she set unrealistic goals for herself and was stuck in hurt mode, and would have breakdowns often.
But, she would NOT see a counselor. Her affair ended (badly because he was a jerk and when she asked HIM for 'space' he crapped on her') and she felt worthless because she had hurt me, our kids, everyone and felt she had no choice but to continue her path out the door.
So, my counselor 'counciled' her through me. We spent the majority of our time talking about things I could say or do when the opportunity came up that would help her get some grounding in her life. SINCE I WAS GROUNDED I could do this. Most people could not. And yeah, it meant talking about 'the relationship she got into' and assuring her I was ok listening to her issues - because I had chosen to let her go and I would always be there to support her no matter what.
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But are you suggesting that a person has to be pro-active in that role? Or just be available to assume that role when WAS needs it? If you think we are to be proactive, can you maybe give an example on how you did it?
You need the help of a good counselor who can advise you, bottom line is you need to be proactive in THOUGHT by understanding the problem and planning your responses, then take advantage of the opportunities when they come up. And, you MUST talk 'as if' there is no relationship between YOU and her. You only 'want the best' for her in her 'new life'.
