Penny: I'm in same boat kind of. H is deployed for a year. Thankfully we had things going in the right direction before he left; he's been gone now for going on 3 wks. Unfortunately, I don't know if he is still talking to OW/EA still or not. See my "need a dose of reality" thread as to communication, etc.
It's nice in the way that we don't have to deal w/ the day to day walking on egg shells, etc., but at the same time we don't have the direct contact to know exactly what is going on in their heads.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
I just wanted to check in with you and say "hi." I hope you're doing well and hanging in there. I haven't been on the board as much the past couple of weeks. I have been taking a break from thinking about this so much. But I wanted you to know I've been thinking about you and hope things are going well. I know it's got to be so hard to have him so far away. At the same time, maybe sometimes it's easier that way for now - it gives you time, as you said, without having to walk on eggshells and have the situation be so "close" to you. I know when I was in Las Vegas it helped me so much just to not have the "opportunity" to snoop and be in his space and he in mine, etc. It was really hard at times, I admit that. But overall, I think it helped me a lot. AND, H told me that it was during my time away that he made the decision to give us another try! So think of it that way. This is your chance to step back, take some time to yourself to think and read books and learn about yourself and this situation and what you want out of life, etc. While it was one of the hardest things I've done, it seems to have made the most difference thus far. He took notice that I wasn't at his beck and call. He thought about what I was doing all alone in Vegas by myself not contacting him... You could indeed use this situation to "go dark" for even just a few days, as I know it's hard with the business and all to do it for any length of time. But maybe just take some baby steps of your own and take a few days with no communication with him to just relax and do some fun things and read and really reflect on your life and what you want out of it. It not only will hopefully help you to clear your head, but it may just be what the doctor ordered to make your H start wondering what you're up to while he's away... Think about it. And know that I'm thinking about you. Hang in there, my fellow trooper!
I have just been super busy which I guess is good keeps me from worrying about whats going on. H is enjoying his new job and seems alot happier. He calls everyday in the morning and afternoon and talks business sometimes ask me how I'm doing and how my day is going. I know he calls me and then her and her then me also old OW sometimes. I just don't get it how they have no conscience. As long as I have the businesss going well he seems to be good but who won't he doesn't hae to do much but give advice and orders ( which half the time I don't follow)HAHAHAH..
Well more later I'm more relaxed since he is gone and not rubbing it in my face. It was nice this weekend t go dowork and see my oldest S and his GF and go to a barbeque with them and they ask me if I would like to go have a drink with them. I went to our nephews graduation so I 've stayed busy.
Thanks for all the support will write more when I get sometime. I usually get home from work and go right to work here. But in a couple of weeks it will slow down.
Penny, It sounds like you are taking time to smell the roses. It does seem easier when you don't see them doesn't it? Take care of yourself and remember to relax and not work too hard.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
H called this morning from where he is working like he doses everymorning ususally to check in on how things are going. He has tried to be real positive on things and he did tell me that I was doing a good job with the business, Its so funny to me because its the same stuff I have always done but he just sees it now like he has called and told me and I am finally doing it. AHAHAH
But the real reason I am hurrying and posting is. He calls at 5:30 this morning and is all happy and positive. I guess I asked one two many questions trying to keep the conversation going about where he stayed and how was his night . He called ir rapped fire questions and its a big turn off and just started in on if I couldn't have a good conversation then not to have one at all. That I could talk to everyone else but him. I kinda told him he hasn't been the easiest to carry one a conversation with either. He told me to grow up and quick being insecure. He said if I don't have anything interesting to talk to him about then hang up. I guess from my view I was just trying to find something that he was interested in so I asked the questions or I thought I was being polite asking how his night went. He told me he had gone jogging early this morning and I didn't even now he was doing that. He doesn't share much with me except business. I know he talks to the OW alot and someothers call too. I am running a crew of men and doing the business and he thinks that I am insecure what does he think. Sorry I am just frustrated.
Well sorry for the rambling I have to go to work. Thanks for letting me vent.
It's good to hear from you. Sorry you had a bad morning. I am having a challenging day myself, so hugs between us, okay? ((( Penny)))
As far as his reaction this morning, he probably just looked at your questioning as potentially "prying" into what he had been doing. I know my H told me back in March when he said he didn't want to be married to me anymore that he "wasn't" going to tell me where he was or what he was doing... I have been really careful when he is "gone" for any period of time to purposely NOT ask him what he was doing or how his night/day was, etc. I do this for two reasons (1) because I don't want to make him uncomfortable and possibly create any more distance between us and (2) because in the past when he has told me some things he's done, I've analyzed the heck out of it (in my mind) about whether he was telling me the truth, etc., and it has driven me crazy. So maybe your H was just feeling a little bit "pressured," if that makes sense? Maybe try not to ask him about what he has been doing unless you already know of something he said he was going to do so that you can ask about it afterwards or unless he is the one to bring up something that he's done. That way, HE has been the one to bring it up, so hopefully that means it is a "safe" thing for you to talk about. I know it seems so incredibily silly that we have to worry all the time about what we say to our own spouses, doesn't it? But unfortunately we have to be sensitive to that right now...
Also, Penny, if you do feel insecure, you have every right to feel that way - your H has had an affair for heaven's sake! I think that is just his own guilt and frustration coming out when he says that. However, the key is to do our best to NOT LET THEM KNOW that we are feeling insecure. We have to dig deep within ourselves and find the strength and well-being to display a sense of confidence, as hard as that may be.
Just some thoughts I had that I wanted to share with you, Penny. I hope you're feeling better by the time you're getting back to reading your thread again. I'm thinking about you!
Penny, It's his guilt talking. I know what you mean about trying to talk to them. You feel like you are walking on eggshells and you will say something wrong to send them running in the other direction. It's unfortunate that we LBS have to do all the work and feel like that. Yes, we made mistakes but we are trying our best to correct them. You have so many good qualities going for you. You are a strong and intelligent woman. Just remember that. I'm sure your family and friends tell you that all the time. Believe them when they tell you that and keep telling yourself over and over that what they say is true!
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
