How do you stick in a quote? I couldn't figure it out.
Anyhow, IMLIN wrote: it isn't really THE sex...it is the feeling of being respected and loved...it is a feeling that some men might associate with a sexually active wife...
Exactly. Before the bomb, *I* thought our sex life was ok, but there was this level of passion and HEIGHTENED intimacy which I think my H claims to have been lacking because of some issues he is having with the past. If you looked at a calendar, it's not that we were hardly ever having sex. If we listed what we engaged in, it's not that we were only doing missionary, never getting a little adventurous, which is WHY I freaked a little when he talked about his two main complaints: 1) we fight too much (agreed, but obviously affecting him WAY more than me) and 2) he was unhappy with our sex life.
Also, I don't MEAN to emphasize our sex life only, but this has become my OUTLET for talking about that particular aspect. I think I pissed H off at our last MC session by, (among other things), finally bringing up the sex somewhat. See, when he gave me this list of things I could do to help him get over the past, I was floored, but tried to still talk with him with respect. I told him that he had to see it from my point of view: doing these things sexually will help heal his wounds from me breaking up with him in 1992?!?! He got irate and said he had tried to be vulnerable and tell me what he thought I should just figure out on my own and I had made him look like some kind of deviant and he wished he had not even said anything.
SO . . . that's why I started posting all the "sex stuff" over here. Up until just a few days ago, I was posting the regular R and communication stuff in Newcomers, and the rest here, but had people mostly responding here, so decided to make this my thread's "home."
I know that ALL he wants is not sex. That is painfully clear. He wants me to prove he is the one and I totally desire him. I am trying to do that. I am especially hampered because I thought we had a decent sex life to begin with, so for someone to tell me I need to step it up, I am having to get out of my comfort zone and I'm trying to do that.
Ok, my son just dropped a bowl of cottage cheese and pineapple chunks from his high chair onto the dining room carpet! Gotta go!!
Thanks for the help and continued discussion, everyone!!
but this has become my OUTLET for talking about that particular aspect. I think I pissed H off at our last MC session by, (among other things), finally bringing up the sex somewhat. See, when he gave me this list of things I could do to help him get over the past, I was floored, but tried to still talk with him with respect. I told him that he had to see it from my point of view: doing these things sexually will help heal his wounds from me breaking up with him in 1992?!?! 
He got irate and said he had tried to be vulnerable and tell me what he thought I should just figure out on my own and I had made him look like some kind of deviant and he wished he had not even said anything. 
